OT: "Off-Topic Island"

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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by amugs on Wed Mar 26, 2014 3:31 pm

I have my hammer, mallet and some spikes ready along with a cross saw to work on housing. The donkey is packed with other tools so when ready give a holler - Pontious Pilot - that means i send who to the cross out of you three??

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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:08 pm

I AM DOCSTOX (Barabbas).

Did you fill out the proper paperwork to requisition that donkey? That would be the OTI Bureau of Public Transportation.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:12 pm

Former fellow countrymen of OTI, lend me your ears.

We the resident of the breakaway region of OOTI, have reconsidered our secession threat. Although our new government was structured as a military dictatorship, we have completed a successful civilian coup and overthrown our dictator.

Our new government has been setup as an Ethnocracy, where only people of half Italian, half Yukranian decent may rule. It just so happens that is my ethnic background and I am now firmly in command. With our civil war now behind us and our former dictator imprisoned I have taken a vote of the OOTI Senate and we have decided to rejoin OTI.

I might also add that pledges of assistance from former King Amugs  king and the brave and battle scarred Sir Snow Man  pirat , plus a deeply moving manifesto posted by the Royal Joker jocolor  Docstox is what rallied our person to defeat our renegade ruler.

Our Civil War has left most of our region in ruin, and we will need immediate assistance from the mother country to rebuild. First and foremost among our needs are housing and a protective fence. If we do not receive assistance by noon tomorrow we may be forced to secede again, this time as the country of OOOTI. Yes the Royal Doctor may be a prophet as well as a comic.

There is an uneasy calm right now, hopefully it lasts through the night.

Through all the turmoil I have not heard news from the mainland. Were there many lives lost in the blizzard?
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:04 am

When the war we are about to declare in OTI against the United States ends in our total defeat and the USA sends billions to rebuild us like former enemies Japan and Germany, we will consider your request for re-building funds.This may take some time so you may wind up being OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTI before we can get to you.

Was the dictator the Ukrainian part or the Italian part? Let me guess! On the basis of every Italian I know telling me what to do, it had to be that part!

Don't know about the mainland but nary a flake fell on OTI territory.Maybe a couple of twigs fell in the subsequent wind.

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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Thu Mar 27, 2014 7:22 pm

It was a night of looting and rioting here in the former breakaway region of OOTI. Every banana and coconut tree was ransacked and stripped bare. There is so much unrest in the streets of sand, that the senate was not able to convene and vote on rejoining OTI or breakaway again to form OOOTI.

Apparently our Ethnocracy is not a workable form of government. The Italians and Yukranians cannot live together and have already divided my region into IOOTI and YOOTI. As someone who is half of each I am not welcome in either territory. I am now forced to live on the dividing line between the two regions.

I am considering moving back to the mainland if conditions do not improve by weeks end.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:27 am

Hilarious, CP, thanks for a good lauigh to start my day.

Yes, when you stated that you are half Italian and half Ukranian. I was wondering how the molecules in your body actually stay together.Now on OOTI, I see the result, two breakaway kingdoms.Maybe you better get out the firehoses.

After much deliberation by the remaining Parliament here on OTI, I find myself now the only active member. Therefor by the powers invested in me, I declare myself benevolent dictator of OTI.

My first proclamation is as a result that the proposed war with the USA hoping to gain rebuilding funds resulted in a total failure when the Secretary Of Defense of the USA had a heart attack laughing at my declaration.It looks like that avenue has shut down.

As a reult of the lack of funds and nobody to tax, I have decided to declare OTI a seasonal only outpost and will re-open it for business on Dec. 1 ,2014 for the next winter season.I will slink back to the mainland chastened and humbled with my tail between my legs and will promise the powers that be there to behave in an orderly and mature manner.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by SNOW MAN on Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:12 am

Sure I'm out scouting the outer reaches of the OTI and already the Parliament has been overthrown and we have a new dictator. I must say dictator Doc, I do like your idea of making the OTI a seasonal thing. I just don't have any interest in the weather from spring until fall. Winter is the season I love  the most. If it rains you don't have to worry about shoveling it. It's just boring old rain. So your decree of closing the OTI until Dec. 1, 2014 is accepted by this peasant. (I have to agree my fellow countrymen or it'll be off with my head if I don't. I think a plot to overthrow this madman who has decreed himself our leader should be planned immediately. Doc the dictator must go ! Shhhhh mums the word. Hopefully he won't be able to read this because he is a bit older than us and I'm counting on his eyesight being poor. lol !). I guess our old KING SNOW WEENIE has exiled himself to the hinter lands of the OOOOOOOOOOOTI. It seems he doesn't come to the OTI to often anymore, even though we were going to let him stay as a citizen. I guess he's feeling defeated and ashamed of his poor performance as a King.  king 
     I will be traveling today to the southern part of the mainland to visit my mom. I will check in with my fellow countrymen or should I say peasants since we have a new dictator that has taken over our beloved OTI later.

I will meet my fellow countrymen in the OOTI to plan the demise of our current dictator. Remember the key to our success is keeping it a secret from this evil and egotistical madman.  affraid 
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:33 am

I nominate SNOW to inhabit and maintain OTI until Dec 1, 2014 when I return from the mainland and re-establish my authority.KSW has apparently abdicated and our other former citizen is involved in a split personality crisis over in IOTI and UOTI and ,SNOW, your strange disappearance forced me into this unwanted and highly irregular decision to usurp power only for the benefit of OTI governance.Please think kindly of me as you maintain the Island for the next 8 months.It was only done for your own good and that of the Island's!

Drop me a postcard on the mainland from time to time.Just grab one of the Pelicans and tie it to his leg.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Fri Mar 28, 2014 11:07 am

December 1 Doc? What is that a joke? Put on your big boy pants, you're moving to the Hudson Valley next fall, we start tracking winter storms here November 1. Some years we track in October. Let's not forget October 29, 2012, 16 inches of snow here and I lost 4 nice Braford pear trees in that storm to prove it.

Snow Man, you may be right about Doc, this Benevolent Dictatorship thing has gone to his head. He think he's a Mainlander now. He will never be accepted back there as anything other than an occasional visitor.  

There may be looting, rioting, and political unrest on parts of the OTI, but it is still a place of peace and tranquility as compared to the mainland.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Fri Mar 28, 2014 11:35 am

This reminds me of an old Gene Pitney song...."It isn't very pretty to live in a Mainland without pity."

I'm willing to move opening date up to Oct. 15th as our territory, as you so accurately point out is subject to these early snowstorms.My arrival in the Capitol City of OTI, aka Monroe on October 15th will automatically change this miserable influence by the evil kingdoms of South and East and once again shift the heavy snow patterns North and West where at one time, the happy subjects of years gone by on OTI always were favored by Mother Nature's winter bounty.

It will do no good for you and SNOW to whisper your schemes and machinations.The all great and powerful Docstox KNOWS ALL.

To help you along in your province on OTI, I will dry out five or six Bradford Pear seeds so you can once again re-establish your orchard.This, to allay the horrible rumor of the selfishness and stnginess of your kind and benevolent ruler.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Sat Mar 29, 2014 10:02 pm

Good news for all residents and visitors to OTI.

The conflicts in the breakaway districts of IOOTI and YOOTI have been resolved. An investigation has been completed involving the rioting and looting of the banana and coconut trees during the night of the 27th. Surveillance cameras purchased and installed by the Royal Doctor, who embezzled funds from the hammock, housing, and fence reserves to pay for them, have revealed the perpetrator to be none other than a sleepwalking Sir Snow Man looking for a midnight snack.

All Italians and Yukranians have been released from IOOTI and YOOTI prisons. The Senates of both districts have voted to rejoin OTI.  We are once again at peace. All residents may return to their caves and hollowed out logs and all Benevolent Dictators and ex - kings may return as civilians. Any Mainlanders may now visit, but only if they have an extended stay visa.

Let peace reign throughout the land.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:35 am

Finally, a voice of reason in a sea of madness.

Yes,it appears many silent visitors have come and gone through OTI for what reason, eludes me.Now that I am stripped of all titles, I humbly remain John Q Public of OTI, malleable to any dictate the new order shall decree.Let us not dwell on former nationality types for they are a source of discord, not only on OTI, but the mainland as well.We are citizens of OTI, first and formost.Therefor, we are all united.

As we leap forward to an unknown future, let us resolve to join each other, shoulder to shoulder, in a valiant effort to keep our Island a beacon of freedom.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:22 am

The 1,000th visitor to the improved and tranquil OTI will be receiving a free guest pass to tour our island paradise for one full day. While here you can visit many of our world famous sites. First and foremost being Snow Mans hollowed out log, CP's battle worn former breakaway district and the actual pen that Docstox used to write some of his most famous OTI proclamations in the halls of the OTI parliament. You will also be given a tour of the palace of former ex king a mugs who no longer visits his former kingdom.

If the winner does not claim their prize by midnight tonight the prizes will be doubled and go to the 2,000th visitor.

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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:12 pm

With you, Mr Game Show Host, giving out prizes, I thought it would be something like an Amana Range, an upright Lewitt vacuum cleaner, 100 square feet of carpeting or a years supply of Eskimo Bars.

I know where you can rent a plaid jacket and bow tie!
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:18 pm

Doc, we have to start generating some tourism dollars, so we can fill the treasury with rubels. If it takes being a game show host so be it.

The tax base is very low on OTI and we will never get the hammocks, housing, and protective fence we need unless somebody takes the bull by the horns and generates some interest in our Island paradise.

During the last week we have had over 1,000 visitors, none of whom I've ever seen BTW, yet the population of our Island has fallen by 50%. If our population falls by 50% next week, and again by 50% the week after that, eventually we are left with less than a full person on the island. If that person keeps being reduced by 50% God knows what parts will be taken. I don't know about you but I'm not sticking around for that.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:51 pm

To get the tax base started on OTI, I will kick in a dollar.

As far as missing body parts, I lost a few in my divorce in 1989.

Anyhoo, the multitudes of visitors only seem to be passing through and not putting down roots here in this God forsaken corner of the woods.My suggestion on closing OTI for the winter and re-opening October 15th to save money still sounds good.I will continue to travel here to maintain minimum standards of upkeep.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:34 pm

Doc I will make a matching pledge to your $1. That puts the treasury at $2 now and rising with a bullet.

We need to leave a skeleton crew here through the spring and summer or we may not have an island paradise to retreat to next fall. I've made calls to the UN for a peace keeping force to occupy OTI starting May 1. If Amugs or Snow Man show up they have been given strict orders to shoot to wound.

OTI traitors both of them. How dare they turn their back on the mother country.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:51 pm

Ah, my friend, to err is human to forgive divine.The prodigal sons will return from the mainland someday probably next winter.

No need to involve the UN.I will man the Island all Spring, Summer and Fall with occaisional reports on the state of the union.

I can now buy a new saw blade with that two dollars to begin trimming trees and bushes so the Island does not become overgrown.I'm starting to feel like Tom Hanks in that movie "Castaway". maybe I'll buy a soccer ball with that two dollars.

WILSON!!!!!!!
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:06 am

Doc, that 2 dollars seems to go a long way on OTI, a new saw blade and a soccer ball? Maybe you can finally buy some hammocks with the change?

Perhaps the low cost of living here should be part of an Ad campaign to draw tourists to the Island.

How about "Off Topic Island, our residents and visitors may not stick around, but your dollars are welcome to stay".

As per your suggestion I did cancel UN occupation of the Island. With the population varying between 0-2 people a peace keeping force did seem like overkill.  However I am still concerned regarding the potential conflicts between the Italians and Yukranians within me, when I am alone on the Island. Perhaps a straight jacket can be purchased for those times.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by SNOW MAN on Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:16 am

Sure I leave for a few days to visit my mom and right away I'm accused of raiding a fridge and being a traitor. Wow, some loyal countrymen you are. I demand an investigation to clear me of these charges. Besides Doc nominated me to maintain the OTI until fall of this year, so it wouldn't make sense for me to commit these crimes. I'm a loyal servant to our trusted and all knowing dictator Docstox.  king  I bow to thee O' GREAT one.  
     If anyone is a traitor it would be our ex-King, he hasn't visited our beloved OTI for awhile. I can't believe he would treat us this badly especially after we extend an olive branch to let him live here as a citizen. It just goes to show you that being kind doesn't pay. I think Docstox should be given the task of deciding his punishment, being that he's the ruler of our island. Tell us O' MIGHTY one what will be the punishment for our fallen King Mugs.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:06 pm

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Doc, that 2 dollars seems to go a long way on OTI, a new saw blade and a soccer ball? Maybe you can finally buy some hammocks with the change?

Perhaps the low cost of living here should be part of an Ad campaign to draw tourists to the Island.

How about "Off Topic Island, our residents and visitors may not stick around, but your dollars are welcome to stay".

As per your suggestion I did cancel UN occupation of the Island. With the population varying between 0-2 people a peace keeping force did seem like overkill.  However I am still concerned regarding the potential conflicts between the Italians and Yukranians within me, when I am alone on the Island. Perhaps a straight jacket can be purchased for those times.

Love that slogan.We can go on the air on mainland tv stations with that one.

We don't print currency here. We go by a cocoanut standard.1 OTI dollar is backed by one cocoanut.As we have about 10,000,000,000,000 coconuts here, the treasury is brimming with cash! Unlike the Federal Reserve of the mainland which prints dollars that are backed by the hot air of mainland politicians, our currency is backed by SOLID means.I encourage all mainlanders to exchange their mainland dollars for OTI dollars to prevent the ravages of inflation that is to come.

Here is where I solve the problem of your Italian-Ukranian dichotomy.You will be in charge of our currency program.You will accept the currency with the Ukranian hand and give out our currency with your other Italian hand.You'll be too busy to worry about any personality split.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:11 pm

SNOW MAN wrote:Sure I leave for a few days to visit my mom and right away I'm accused of raiding a fridge and being a traitor. Wow, some loyal countrymen you are. I demand an investigation to clear me of these charges. Besides Doc nominated me to maintain the OTI until fall of this year, so it wouldn't make sense for me to commit these crimes. I'm a loyal servant to our trusted and all knowing dictator Docstox.  king  I bow to thee O' GREAT one.  
     If anyone is a traitor it would be our ex-King, he hasn't visited our beloved OTI for awhile. I can't believe he would treat us this badly especially after we extend an olive branch to let him live here as a citizen. It just goes to show you that being kind doesn't pay. I think Docstox should be given the task of deciding his punishment, being that he's the ruler of our island. Tell us O' MIGHTY one what will be the punishment for our fallen King Mugs.

See, I told you CP our prodigal son(s) would return.Once an OTI...always an OTI.Snow always has been a loyal subject and I can depend on his assistance in the next winter to come.After all, Oct. 15th is only 7 or so months away!

I place upon, if he does not return in a timely manner, a snowhole curse on Mugsy, actually all of North Bergen County, as I will be a full time resident of OTI come October.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Thu Apr 03, 2014 8:52 am

The OTI Fan Club still appears to be active, visitors coming still everyday even though communications are dwindling.I suspect the Fans are starved for comedy as there is nada,zip, zero nil on the mainland.

The OTI Comedy Club will return full blast come October 15th, I promise you.We will have the full complement of characters by that time, Mugsy, CP, SNOW and myself.There will be winter weather discussions filled with comedy for you snow lovers who enjoy a good laugh with your weather.

As I look out my thatch hut window here on OTI, I enjoy the wonderful peace and quiet...."CHIRP-CHIRP-CHIRP!".

I will appear on the mainland time to time just to let everybody know I'm still here.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Thu Apr 03, 2014 9:34 am

docstox12 wrote:
CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Doc, that 2 dollars seems to go a long way on OTI, a new saw blade and a soccer ball? Maybe you can finally buy some hammocks with the change?

Perhaps the low cost of living here should be part of an Ad campaign to draw tourists to the Island.

How about "Off Topic Island, our residents and visitors may not stick around, but your dollars are welcome to stay".

As per your suggestion I did cancel UN occupation of the Island. With the population varying between 0-2 people a peace keeping force did seem like overkill.  However I am still concerned regarding the potential conflicts between the Italians and Yukranians within me, when I am alone on the Island. Perhaps a straight jacket can be purchased for those times.

Love that slogan.We can go on the air on mainland tv stations with that one.

We don't print currency here. We go by a cocoanut standard.1 OTI dollar is backed by one cocoanut.As we have about 10,000,000,000,000 coconuts here, the treasury is brimming with cash! Unlike the Federal Reserve of the mainland which prints dollars that are backed by the hot air of mainland politicians, our currency is backed by SOLID means.I encourage all mainlanders to exchange their mainland dollars for OTI dollars to prevent the ravages of inflation that is to come.

Here is where I solve the problem of your Italian-Ukranian dichotomy.You will be in charge of our currency program.You will accept the currency with the Ukranian hand and give out our currency with your other Italian hand.You'll be too busy to worry about any personality split.

Doc, I don't really believe in reincarnation but if I did I would swear you were King Solomon reborn.

I gladly accept the position of Secretary of Currency for OTI. My first order of business will be to collect all of the currency owed to me from Snow Man during his sleepwalking raid of my coconut and banana trees during the civil war between the breakaway republics of IOOTI and YOOTI.

I find it a little disconcerting that Snow man disappears for days, and then is ready to swear allegiance to whomever made the last post. If North Korean Mad Man Kim Jong-Un joins our forum and posts in the OTI thread will Snow man swear allegiance to him too?

I submitted a petition to Parliament this morning to have Snow Man pay 10,000 coconuts to the Secretary of Currency or have his OTI citizenship revoked. I have already begun stockpiling large sticks in case another Civil War ensues.
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Post by docstox12 on Thu Apr 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Ah, yes, the gold-coconut standard.Hey, at least our currency is backed by something tangible rather than the mainland currency which is soon to be about as valuable as something you wipe your arse with.

Snow, you are being accused of pilfering the CP banana and coconut groves during his absconding to OOTI and engaging in the IOOTI and YOOTI Civil War.Parliament will hear your side of this issue whenever you wish to state it.

Kim Jong, Putin any other madman steps onto OTI at their own risks, because unlike the mainlands  milquetoasty response to such civil effrontry, we have means and methods of dealing with them. Quite simply, they will disappear completely in the jungles of OTI never to be seen or heard from again.No trials are necessary to waste OTI cocodollars, my judgement of the evil malevolence which I will ascertain in seconds looking at and talking to these maniacs, will condemn these evil ones to their doom.

Another idea has come to mind when I view the Bureau of Records log as to the number of visitors to the Island.Amazingly, there is an interest in what goes on here.

CP, do you have the technical connections for us to broadcast a reality show form the Island so the Treasury can get paid in more coconuts? I think we can make mony off of this!
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Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

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