OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

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OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:11 pm

The current Directors and Officers of OTI - Updated March 27, 2017

The Founding Fathers:

Docstox12
Director of Parliament
Director of the OTI Sanitarium
Leaves his beloved homeland every Tuesday to spend time with Mom Docstox on the Mainland. It's just one of the things that makes him the great leader he is.

CPcantmeasuresnow
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler
Director of the Treasury
Obsessed his whole life by institutions that can't grasp the concept of accurate measurements. His sanity hangs by a thread.

AMugs
Ex Monarch
Overthrown when he couldn't produce any meaningful snow during the late February 2014 to December 2014 snow drought. His gift of the Snow Queen turned the fortunes around for the Mainland for the January 2015 through March 2015 snow bonanza when over 4 feet fell during the period. He recently returned to his native homeland with a bevy of beauties as always.

Snowman

Chief Security Officer
Does not show his face much anymore, but he's always watching incognito for people that cross the boundaries


The second wave of Immigrants

SnowQueen
Sent here as a peace offering by Ex King Mugs after his exile for snowhyping fantasy storms that never came about
No official capacity except to stroll OTI in her bikini made of snow, which somehow never melts, though many have tried.

Taffy
Director of Tourism and Immigration
Back and better than ever

Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor
One month into his job he was already being referred to as the Oliver Wendell Holmes of OTI.

Thundersnow/Grselig  
Culinary Arts Hospitality Head Person
Great at his job when he shows up, which lately is never.

Syosnow94
Director of Mental Health
It takes a man that's been there and back, several times in this case, to help others driven to the brink.

Math23x7
Director of Technology
Falsely accused of Torch Mongering he overcame nearly being exiled to rise to his current position.

TheAresian
Director of the Coconut Lounge and Head Bouncer
A meteoric rise from visitor, to citizen, to Head Bouncer, to Director all within a 1 month period.


Mainland Royalty

Frank
The Emperor of everything, who gave OTI life in March 2014 and autonomy in February 2017

Sroc

The Vice Emperor who occasionally visits and maintains order when necessary

Dunzoo
The only person to decline a government post. Offered the queens throne on page 1 she refused. Three months later another Westwood resident was removed as King. OTI declared war on Westwood in retaliation.


THE OTI PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

I pledge allegiance to OTI
Of the Off Topic Island Republic
And to ex king Mugs
And the queen he bequeathed
One nation under Doc
Indivisible except by CP
With SNOWMAN and Taffy for all

Amen.


Last edited by CPcantmeasuresnow on Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:32 pm; edited 55 times in total
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Re: OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by docstox12 on Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:35 am

CP, this is absolutely EXCELLENT as our first order of business as requested by Emperor Frank.This will be posted in Parliament in the form of a highly polished bronze sign at the main entrance to the Parliament Building as the first compilation of Executive Officers in our Islands history as per Independence Day.
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Re: OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Tue Feb 14, 2017 2:24 pm

I thought this would be a good place to store some of our historical documents. Below is a copy of the announcement sent out to prepare for our first Independence day celebration two years ago. Some references here are outdated but I left the document intact to preserve it's historic value.

A reminder to everyone that March 21, 2015, we will be
celebrating Independence Day here on OTI.


It was almost one year ago, that a band of renegade bloggers from the Mainland were exiled, justifiably and with good reason, by Emperor Frank who was supported by the armies of Sir Sroc, to a small island located off the Mainland thread that they gave the name Off-Topic Island which is still affectionately to this day referred to by the natives as OTI.

Left to fend for themselves, the Founding 4, or Core 4 as the Yankee announcers refer to them, quickly established a Parliamentary form of government. The first OTI anthem, “The home of the three and the land of the knave” is currently being rewritten to include our two newest citizens.

The Parliament is headed by the astute and affable DocStox. Like many politicians Doc is great at speeches and sometimes short on results. As an example one year later the Island still has no hammocks despite Docs sincere promises that they are coming any day. Docs oratory can be Lincolnesque and at other times Seinfeld like. With only these few minor flaws the Doc has a very high approval rating among the citizenry of OTI.

We also crowned a king, who was later replaced in a nonviolent coup when he couldn't produce any meaningful snow from March 2014 through to the end of December 2014. To his credit, the kind but incompetent Monarch Mugsy retained his benevolent manner, even after his overthrow. He brought to the island a beautiful Queen dressed only in a bikini made of snow. Since that stroke of genius, abundant snowfall has returned to the Mainland, and the civil unrest and rioting that had sporadically marred every sector of OTI during the snow drought months, quickly came to an end.

The Islands currency was recently established based on coconuts and bananas. Now granted edible currency has its drawbacks. In just one night our esteemed Knight Templar Sir Snow Man went from the wealthiest man on the Island to a poor homeless fellow living in a hollowed out log, all because of one midnight eating binge after smoking to many banana peels.

We now live in a land that is tranquil and thriving. Our population during the last year, thanks to our liberal immigration policy, has grown by 50%. The female citizen population on OTI has grown immeasurably from 0 to 2, with the additions of her grace the Queen and Taffy. Enough now about our history, as I didn't mean this to become a history lesson.

The visitor log over the last year now exceeds 7000. Granted, many of these visits have been from illegals who have not gone through the proper channels of the OTI Tourist and Immigration Board, but as long as these people spend their coconuts and bananas here on OTI we tend to look the other way.

If you wish to join us for our Independence Day party on March 21 or if you wish to apply for citizenship on OTI please contact the Director of Immigration and Tourism ex King Mugsy. A written test is required which will cover the 16 pages of OTI history chronicled in this thread. Our newest citizen Taffy set the bar very high by passing her citizenry test with a perfect score of 100%.

If you become a citizen here, there are also certain rules that must be adhered to. Most important is the non-mega-posting and non-weather related rules. If you want to talk about impending storms, past storms, near misses, slop storms, warm weather advection, virga, anti-virga, subsidence, dry slots, great lakes cutters, or any other subjects that can cause snowmania or snowpression than OTI is not the place for you.

I hope to see you all here on Independence Day.

Sincerely Yours,

CP CantMeasure Snow
OTI - Director of the Treasury
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Re: OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Fri Mar 03, 2017 10:05 am

As per the Director of Parliament we shall document our war on OSIS (OTI Sectarian Island Separatists) in our historical documents section. The Judicial order by our Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor Billg may go down in OTI history as the shot heard round the Island.

docstox12 wrote:
CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:I received a very ominous warning from OSIS (OTIan Sectarian Island Separatists) this morning. It said and I quote, "Should the Coconut Lounge continue as a morality free zone we the member of OSIS will wage a holy fruit war with the pagan citizens of OTI. If you want to continue in your decadent ways prepare to be attacked and violated by your own currency".

I woke up this morning with a banana in places it was not meant to be with this note attached to my hut door. Apparently this group, which from their note appears at this time to be a group of just one is to be taken seriously. SNOWMAN where are you, you're our only hope.

CP, a video was sent to me at Parliament Building of a black hooded OSIS operative cutting the top off of a bannana.I will send the film to SNOW MAN for his analysis and instructions.With Aresian as Director of the Coconut Lounge and Parliament supplying every need and effort to him, we can assure that this will be a morality free zone in perpetutum! No OSIS thugs will ever intimidate or threaten that status, over my cold dead body!!!

Parliament grants IMMEDIATELY Aresians promotion as a Director formally assuming the title of Head Bouncer and grants him authority to assume the role of Head Chef which Greslig has unceremoniously abandoned.Your intuitive skill at recognizing candidates for OTI Citizenship and Directorship, your statement that Aresian ( "has OTI written all over him") never ceases to amaze Parliament and you, CP, will go down in the annals of OTI History as George Washington and Benjamin Franklin have in the Mainland.

billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL ORDER
Whereas, there has been a recent spike in OSIS activity including banana torture, mango mutilation, and coconut conspiracies; and
Whereas, members of OSIS have engaged in a campaign of terroristic threats against island inhabitants; and
Whereas, OSIS is on the OTI Judicial List of known terrorist organizations; and
Whereas, if OSIS continues to destroy bananas, mangos and coconuts and place them in places they should not be, we may have to switch to "cow currency" which besides being impractical is probably a threat to further enhance the global warming that has caused much instability on the island this winter; and
Whereas, the warm, largely snow-less winter has caused a spike in mainland immigration to this island, thereby making it easier for OSIS to enter in stealth to plot their nefarious plots; and
Whereas, this is a clear and present danger to the safety and security of this island, its inhabitants, its businesses (i.e. the Coconut Lounge) and our economic stability;
Therefore it is ORDERED as follows:
1. Island Security is hereby authorized to implement EXTREME VETTING for any mainland visitors entering the island;
2. Island Security is hereby authorized to treat OSIS as enemy combatants outside the realm of OTI legal protections;
3. A new detention facility, on the sub-island of OTITMO, is authorized for the temporary or permanent detention of confirmed OSIS members.
Respectfully Submitted,
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor


Last edited by CPcantmeasuresnow on Wed Mar 22, 2017 8:04 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:29 pm

Below we list one of the groundbreaking legal cases on OTI decided on March 21, 2017 by the honorable Chief Justice Billg315. His writing speaks for itself.


billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL FINDINGS AND VERDICT
Case of
People of OTI v.s. TheAresian
and
People of OTI v.s. Syosnow
Issued March 21, 2017

DECISION:
We have a number of allegations here. So, ahem. Let’s start from the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you read you begin with A, B, C. When you judge you begin with Snow, Rain, Beach. Snow, Rain, Beach.

We must have snow before we have rain, which we have before we head to the beach. That is the proper order of weather each year around here. Winter Snow. Then Spring Rain. Then Sunny Summer beach and fishing days. None are to be unnecessarily rushed. It is perfectly alright to enjoy Spring Showers to help you grow May Flowers, or grass that you can charge people to cut.  It also is perfectly alright to enjoy the beach or fishing in warm weather.  It is not, however, on OTI, acceptable to hasten an end to the SNOW season to get to these other events. They will come soon enough, and last long enough, without wishing away our precious snow days. And since we can get major snowstorms in March and measurable snowfall into early April, wishing for warm weather and an end to the snow season prior to that is hasty. In fact, on this island, it is criminal in nature.

So let’s examine the two distinct charges. First against the Aresian.  It has been submitted in evidence that the Aresian stated as follows (and this appears to this Court uncontested):
TheAresian wrote: "It's late enough in the season that I'm being all or nothing. So either this storm can drop a foot of snow or it can move along.
The 6z has me slated for around 3 inches. If the choice is between 3 or even 6 inches and nothing, I'll take the nothing. 6 inches this time of year would be melted in 2 days."

A fair reading of this statement is simple. Aresian is hoping for a foot of snow. That is great. And had he left it there all would be well. But, and this is critical. He did not leave it there.  He proceeded to say that 3 or even 6 inches was essentially worthless to him and he’d rather have nothing. With all due respect, 6” is a significant snowfall. And I don’t recall where the time it takes for snow to melt AFTER a storm detracting from the joy of watching a snowstorm. On the day it snows, watching the snow fall, being whipped by the winter winds, coating everything in a beautiful covering of white, it is completely irrelevant at that moment whether in three days it will melt. Enjoy it for what it is. "Nothing" or God Forbid "Rain," is never better than 6” of snow, nor even 3” of snow. If he said getting "nothing" is better than freezing rain or sleet I’d understand. But snow I do not.

However, this is not Springmongering, primarily because TheAresian never said he doesn’t want anymore snow this season, just that this particular storm could pass him by. If he had said, arguendo, “If I don’t get a foot of snow, bring on May and the flower bloom,”  then THAT would be Springmongering.

Therefore I find TheAresian NOT GUILTY of “Springmongering”, but GUILTY of a lesser charge of Reckless Snowslaughter. Recklessly wishing for a storm to drop nothing which could lead to the untimely death of the hopes of snowlovers for even a few inches of snow.

His punishment is a one-night ban from the Coconut Lounge and a restraining order preventing him from having any contact with Wildebeasts or TREES, for a period of one month.

Now the second allegation is against Syosnow who is alleged to have uttered the following statement:
"Doc I hope it melts fast. Sorry. I don't want muddy high rivers and streams for the April 1st trout opener."

The evidence appears uncontested that he stated this. So is this Springmongering? Not exactly. He is hoping for better conditions for a distinct date and event, in this case the April 1st trout opener. I would analogize this to a groom and bride in January wishing for no large snowstorms on their wedding day as it would destroy a day they had long planned for and possibly endanger family and friends traveling to their event. It may raise an eyebrow, but it is excusable, provided that they are hoping for a snowstorm the day AFTER their wedding. It doesn't mean they are hoping for an early Spring. So, as long as Syosnow is hoping for more snow after April 1st, he can be excused for hoping for no snow melt impacts on April 1st.  It is, however, never good to wish for snow to melt fast so I would say this is probably a violation of some sort. But more a minor violation like a traffic ticket or code violation.

Therefore I will simply fine Syos one mango and one banana for the code offense of “careless snowmelting.”

These are the findings of this Court.

Respectfully Submitted,
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor
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Re: OTI - Goverment, historical documents, and our Pledge

Post by CPcantmeasuresnow on Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:13 am

The Director of Technologies post from 3/31/17 summing up our winter and addressing and solving the mystery of the last post phenomenon which through research, perseverance, experimentation and government research dollars has finally been solved. We shall all rest easier during the summer recess because of it.

Math23x7 wrote:It has been well over a week since I got a response from Upton that they would review the snow totals from 1/7 and 1/14. And we are getting to the planned 4/1 OTI recess. If they somehow change the totals come April, will the reparations to CP from the Conservancy take place then or will it have to wait until the fall. We all know he had to spend an ample amount of time in the Sanitarium for the ridiculous snow reports. Billg already has the documents in place, which he issued last January (well done Bill). We are just anxious as to what the judge (in this case, Upton) has to say.

Also, this post will unfortunately get overlooked. Why? Because it is the last post of the fifth page of the Phase II thread. Once the next post is up, both the citizens and the tourists will not know that there was a relatively new post right before it. You see, using what is on this forum from emperor Frank, the total number of posts is equal to the number of replies plus one, since the one is the initial post of the thread. Now, after this post, it will have 124 replies, for 125 posts (whereas before it was 123 replies, for 124 posts). And since there are 25 posts per page, the fifth page will be filled up. Let me put in a rule of thumb. Let the number on the reply counter = x. If x ≡ 23 (mod 25) right before you make your post, then know that your post will be quickly forgotten. For those of you who did not major in math, in other words, before this post there were 123 replies. When you divide 123 by 25, the remainder is 23.

In short, this post is meant to emphasize a scenario of the snowfall revision taking place in April, but no one (outside of the first poster) will seem to care about it Sad

This has been a somewhat of a decent winter we just had as it had its moments in December, January, February, and March something that none of the prior seven winters (including the 4 50"+ winters) could do. It's unfortunate, however, that a large chunk if it featured unseasonable warmth and a storm that under-performed in snow totals in select locations (including my own) in mid-March.

Anyway, this may be my last post before the pending Government Recess begins. The Kingdom thread may be locked for the next six months but I will leave it up to the founders to decide. Barring any surprises, see you next fall!

Over and out.

Math23x7
Director of Technology
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