OTI- Radiation contained - The Island is habitable again as of Jan 2023

ORDER
EMERGENCY SANITARIUM DUTY
Whereas, temperatures have been well below normal since Christmas and are expected to continue as such for another week; and
Whereas, these cold temperatures are yet to be accompanied by significant snow with tomorrow looking like a one inch event; and
Whereas, my heating bill is up but I can still see every frozen blade of grass in my backyard; and
Whereas, we, like Charlie Brown having a football snatched just before kicking it, have seen multiple fantasy storms on the 7-10 models vanish into the cold dry thin air like Virga;
Therefore it is apparent the Sanitarium is getting crowded fast and it is so ORDERED that all OTI staff and officials must begin 12-hour shifts at the Sanitarium until order is restored.
Bill G
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

billg315 wrote:ORDER
EMERGENCY SANITARIUM DUTY
Whereas, temperatures have been well below normal since Christmas and are expected to continue as such for another week; and
Whereas, these cold temperatures are yet to be accompanied by significant snow with tomorrow looking like a one inch event; and
Whereas, my heating bill is up but I can still see every frozen blade of grass in my backyard; and
Whereas, we, like Charlie Brown having a football snatched just before kicking it, have seen multiple fantasy storms on the 7-10 models vanish into the cold dry thin air like Virga;
Therefore it is apparent the Sanitarium is getting crowded fast and it is so ORDERED that all OTI staff and officials must begin 12-hour shifts at the Sanitarium until order is restored.
Bill G
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

ABSOLUTELY amazing, precise and pertinent.What would I do without you Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor? I'm filing this brief ( and I wont draw up MY briefs) in the Secretary of the Parliament's office for recording in the OTI historical records of this quite significant occasion.

syosnow94 wrote:PANDEMONIUM HERE IN THE SANITARIUM.  MASSIVE INFLUX OF PATIENTS SUFFERING FROM MISDIAGNOSED SUPRESSION DEPRESSION.  TURNS OUT THE MALADY WE ARE ALL SUFFERING FROM IS FWRS (flat western ridge syndrome). I NEED BACKUP. ALL HANDS ON DECK.  IVE BEEN TREATING PEOPLE WITH THE WRONG COCKTAILS AND NOW WE FACE AN ANGRY PSYCHOTIC MOB!

FWRS is spreading fast among members of NJ Strong. I instruct one of you to put an end to this awful disease before it kills us all.

Thank you Bill. The sooner the better.  The natives are getting very restless! So much so that our empower has even made a statement regarding this crisis

When Emperor Frank speaks, this guy listens. Therefore the following:
TEMPORARY INJUNCTION and ORDER
Whereas, a recent outbreak of FWRS has created pandemonium and cyber-chaos on the mainland; and
Whereas, our esteemed Emperor Frank has issued instructions to stamp out this malady;
This Court hereby issues the following injunction:
1.) No person suffering from FWRS shall be admitted to OTI without signing a waiver agreeing to all testing, probing, and injections deemed necessary by medical staff at the Sanitarium to find a cure for this disease. It is urgent to protect the health and welfare of OTI inhabitants that we not allow this to spread further without treatment.
2.) In the interim this Court also authorizes an independent counsel to investigate if there is ANY evidence of Russian collusion in the disappearance of our much hoped for amplified western ridge-eastern trough pattern. This Court is aware that much of what happens with our Pacific and Western CONUS upper air patterns may be influenced from Siberia. It is therefore not out of the realm of possibility RUSSIANS are involved in dumping their cold air on us, while denying us snow. If there is evidence of Russian collusion in this matter, this Court authorizes the Special Counsel to issue such findings and the Parliament to act upon them by ALL MEANS NECESSARY (including activating war games protocol and utilizing “The WOPR,” aka Joshua, to launch a thermonuclear war).
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

billg315 wrote:When Emperor Frank speaks, this guy listens. Therefore the following:
TEMPORARY INJUNCTION and ORDER
Whereas, a recent outbreak of FWRS has created pandemonium and cyber-chaos on the mainland; and
Whereas, our esteemed Emperor Frank has issued instructions to stamp out this malady;
This Court hereby issues the following injunction:
1.) No person suffering from FWRS shall be admitted to OTI without signing a waiver agreeing to all testing, probing, and injections deemed necessary by medical staff at the Sanitarium to find a cure for this disease. It is urgent to protect the health and welfare of OTI inhabitants that we not allow this to spread further without treatment.
2.) In the interim this Court also authorizes an independent counsel to investigate if there is ANY evidence of Russian collusion in the disappearance of our much hoped for amplified western ridge-eastern trough pattern. This Court is aware that much of what happens with our Pacific and Western CONUS upper air patterns may be influenced from Siberia. It is therefore not out of the realm of possibility RUSSIANS are involved in dumping their cold air on us, while denying us snow. If there is evidence of Russian collusion in this matter, this Court authorizes the Special Counsel to issue such findings and the Parliament to act upon them by ALL MEANS NECESSARY (including activating war games protocol and utilizing “The WOPR,” aka Joshua, to launch a thermonuclear war).
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

Thanks for your help again Chief Justice. I’m on it.
(This is one of the best posts I’ve ever read. You are a genius. I’m laughing my ass off)

billg315 wrote:When Emperor Frank speaks, this guy listens. Therefore the following:
TEMPORARY INJUNCTION and ORDER
Whereas, a recent outbreak of FWRS has created pandemonium and cyber-chaos on the mainland; and
Whereas, our esteemed Emperor Frank has issued instructions to stamp out this malady;
This Court hereby issues the following injunction:
1.) No person suffering from FWRS shall be admitted to OTI without signing a waiver agreeing to all testing, probing, and injections deemed necessary by medical staff at the Sanitarium to find a cure for this disease. It is urgent to protect the health and welfare of OTI inhabitants that we not allow this to spread further without treatment.
2.) In the interim this Court also authorizes an independent counsel to investigate if there is ANY evidence of Russian collusion in the disappearance of our much hoped for amplified western ridge-eastern trough pattern. This Court is aware that much of what happens with our Pacific and Western CONUS upper air patterns may be influenced from Siberia. It is therefore not out of the realm of possibility RUSSIANS are involved in dumping their cold air on us, while denying us snow. If there is evidence of Russian collusion in this matter, this Court authorizes the Special Counsel to issue such findings and the Parliament to act upon them by ALL MEANS NECESSARY (including activating war games protocol and utilizing “The WOPR,” aka Joshua, to launch a thermonuclear war).
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

Pure genius!

Oh, and Parliament rubber stamps this and any additional edicts deemed necessary by Emperor Frank whom we owe our very existence here at OTI.

Be assured, Mainlanders, this crisis will pass!

Here is one of our patients properly medicated with Thorazine and ready to go back to the Mainland to accept the snow deprivation conditions now rampant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djrxqyec--U

docstox12 wrote:Here is one of our patients properly medicated with Thorazine and ready to go back to the Mainland to accept the snow deprivation conditions now rampant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djrxqyec--U

HOLY CRAP DOC! SHES OFF THE RESERVATION. THE DRUGS AND EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENTS IVE CONDUCTED MUSTVE BEEN SUPER STRONG. SHES CATATONIC!

syosnow94 wrote:

docstox12 wrote:Here is one of our patients properly medicated with Thorazine and ready to go back to the Mainland to accept the snow deprivation conditions now rampant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djrxqyec--U

HOLY CRAP DOC!  SHES OFF THE RESERVATION. THE DRUGS AND EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENTS IVE CONDUCTED MUSTVE BEEN SUPER STRONG.  SHES CATATONIC!

Maybe a bit OVER-medicated? Lol. If she was allowed on our island we might have to check with border security procedures. I bet she’d be a ball of fun at the Coconut Lounge.

Bed her and they'd pop you for necrophilia.

Another one of the Sanitariums properly medicated patients.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sdCLoIaAKg

I am checking myself out the Sanitarium. It turns out I did not miss any big snow. And I got home during the snow event that we are currently getting.

Don't be surprised though if I return to the Sanitarium in the near future due to model madness

To OTI Parliament: We should anticipate an influx of tourists in the near future. These tourists are dealing with agita from tracking the potential snow event that can either give them a nice snowstorm or give them just snow flurries. Please make measures to meet this influx.

Math23x7 wrote:To OTI Parliament:  We should anticipate an influx of tourists in the near future.  These tourists are dealing with agita from tracking the potential snow event that can either give them a nice snowstorm or give them just snow flurries.  Please make measures to meet this influx.

Director of Technology Math:

Duly noted and measures will be taken.We are filled to capacity ATM but expect trailers from FEMA to arrive on loan.Our Meteorological Team at the OTI weather Bureau note that a possible last minute turn leftward may defray the need of these trailers as all of the Mainland would be buried in deep snow.As such, we can radio the shop captains to trun back to the Mainland.All necessary measure will be taken.

Docstox
Director Of Parliament
Director OTI Sanitarium

JUDICIAL RESOLUTION
ORDERED BY THIS HONORABLE COURT ON THE 4TH DAY OF JANUARY, 2018

CREATION OF THE OTI MONITORING, VERIFICATION AND INSPECTION COMMISSION FOR ENFORCED COMPLIANCE WITH ACCURATE SNOW MEASUREMENTS

On January 15, 2017 this Honorable Court, in a legal action against NOAA, the National Weather Service, The Central Park Conservancy, the Wildlife Conservation Society (in its role as manager of the Central Park Zoo), the City of New York, et al, made the following findings:
There has been a persistent under measurement of official snowfall totals in Central Park dating back many years, perhaps decades. This has led to tainted official snowfall totals for the City of New York. The evidence showed that in many snowstorms over the years measurements at surrounding reporting stations including JFK, LGA, EWR, have been significantly higher than CPK despite the fact that they virtually surround this reporting station (Appendix One 2016 seasonal totals from last March show: 31.6" for CPK, while LGA is 35.6, JFK 40.9, and EWR 36.2; in the most recent storm they show respectively, 5.1", 7.0, 8.2, 5.8 ). Additionally, scientific analysis reported by Math23X7 showed that in a recent storm between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the Conservancy reported .7" of snow fell, despite radar showing heavy banding over the city, and a qpf of .11" fell during that time frame with high ratios.
As a result of these findings legal action was pursued. Since that time, Central Park's record of snow accumulation reporting initially improved, but has been spotty at best.
During today's epic East Coast snowstorm, Math23X7 was dispatched to Central Park, measuring equipment in hand. He obtained an accurate, verifiable measurement. Subsequently, CPK updated its initial snow measurement in accord with that snow accumulation recorded by Math. It is therefore clear to this Court that when the Conservancy's feet are held to the fire -- or the ice, as the case may be -- they can be incentivized to be accurate. This court believes that a monitoring and verification process is the only way to ensure CPK compliance with accurate measurement protocols.
Therefore this resolution creates the Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission to be headed up by Math. This Commission is hereby:
1.) granted access to inspect snow cover at Central Park at all hours and all days of the week in order to measure snow and/or to witness and verify the Conservancy's measurement of snow;
2.) authorized to perform unannounced inspections;
3.) granted access to publicly issued snowfall totals to ensure they are consistent with independent measurements conducted by the Commission.
If the Conservancy fails to comply with the conditions of this strict inspection regimen, the Commission is authorized to file a notice of violation with the OTI Parliament. The Parliament is then authorized by this Court to impose the following Sanctions:
1.) an embargo of all goods and services into the Park; and/or
2.) suspension of public funding for Park activities; and/or
3.) prosecution of conservancy staff before the OTI Snow Crimes Tribunal for the snow crime of chronic under-measurement; and/or
4.) OTI Military Action to seize control of all CPK snow measurement operations and to enforce by force the accurate measurement of snowfall in the heart of our beloved New York City;

The Commission is hereby authorized to begin these functions forthwith and to hire any inspection staff necessary to carry out this mission at a salary to be approved by the Parliament (volunteer work is preferred).

Additionally, this Court hereby puts the snow measurement officials at LaGuardia Airport, and the management of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey on Notice that any further shenanigans like today's snow "measurement" at LGA could prompt this Court to expand the monitoring mission of Math's Commission to include monitoring, inspection and verification of snow measurements at LGA.

Hereby resolved and ordered.
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL RESOLUTION
ORDERED BY THIS HONORABLE COURT ON THE 4TH DAY OF JANUARY, 2018

CREATION OF THE OTI MONITORING, VERIFICATION AND INSPECTION COMMISSION FOR ENFORCED COMPLIANCE WITH ACCURATE SNOW MEASUREMENTS

On January 15, 2017 this Honorable Court, in a legal action against NOAA, the National Weather Service, The Central Park Conservancy, the Wildlife Conservation Society (in its role as manager of the Central Park Zoo), the City of New York, et al, made the following findings:
There has been a persistent under measurement of official snowfall totals in Central Park dating back many years, perhaps decades.  This has led to tainted official snowfall totals for the City of New York. The evidence showed that in many snowstorms over the years measurements at surrounding reporting stations including JFK, LGA, EWR, have been significantly higher than CPK despite the fact that they virtually surround this reporting station (Appendix One 2016 seasonal totals from last March show: 31.6" for CPK, while LGA is 35.6, JFK 40.9, and EWR 36.2; in the most recent storm they show respectively, 5.1", 7.0, 8.2, 5.8 ).  Additionally, scientific analysis reported by Math23X7 showed that in a recent storm between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the Conservancy reported .7" of snow fell, despite radar showing heavy banding over the city, and a qpf of .11" fell during that time frame with high ratios.
As a result of these findings legal action was pursued. Since that time, Central Park's record of snow accumulation reporting initially improved, but has been spotty at best.
During today's epic East Coast snowstorm, Math23X7 was dispatched to Central Park, measuring equipment in hand.  He obtained an accurate, verifiable measurement.  Subsequently, CPK updated its initial snow measurement in accord with that snow accumulation recorded by Math.  It is therefore clear to this Court that when the Conservancy's feet are held to the fire -- or the ice, as the case may be -- they can be incentivized to be accurate.  This court believes that a monitoring and verification process is the only way to ensure CPK compliance with accurate measurement protocols.
Therefore this resolution creates the Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission to be headed up by Math.  This Commission is hereby:
1.) granted access to inspect snow cover at Central Park at all hours and all days of the week in order to measure snow and/or to witness and verify the Conservancy's measurement of snow;
2.) authorized to perform unannounced inspections;
3.) granted access to publicly issued snowfall totals to ensure they are consistent with independent measurements conducted by the Commission.
If the Conservancy fails to comply with the conditions of this strict inspection regimen, the Commission is authorized to file a notice of violation with the OTI Parliament.  The Parliament is then authorized by this Court to impose the following Sanctions:
1.) an embargo of all goods and services into the Park; and/or
2.) suspension of public funding for Park activities; and/or
3.) prosecution of conservancy staff before the OTI Snow Crimes Tribunal for the snow crime of chronic under-measurement; and/or
4.) OTI Military Action to seize control of all CPK snow measurement operations and to enforce by force the accurate measurement of snowfall in the heart of our beloved New York City;

The Commission is hereby authorized to begin these functions forthwith and to hire any inspection staff necessary to carry out this mission at a salary to be approved by the Parliament (volunteer work is preferred).

Additionally, this Court hereby puts the snow measurement officials at LaGuardia Airport, and the management of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey on Notice that any further shenanigans like today's snow "measurement" at LGA could prompt this Court to expand the monitoring mission of Math's Commission to include monitoring, inspection and verification of snow measurements at LGA.

Hereby resolved and ordered.
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL RESOLUTION
ORDERED BY THIS HONORABLE COURT ON THE 4TH DAY OF JANUARY, 2018

CREATION OF THE OTI MONITORING, VERIFICATION AND INSPECTION COMMISSION FOR ENFORCED COMPLIANCE WITH ACCURATE SNOW MEASUREMENTS

On January 15, 2017 this Honorable Court, in a legal action against NOAA, the National Weather Service, The Central Park Conservancy, the Wildlife Conservation Society (in its role as manager of the Central Park Zoo), the City of New York, et al, made the following findings:
There has been a persistent under measurement of official snowfall totals in Central Park dating back many years, perhaps decades.  This has led to tainted official snowfall totals for the City of New York. The evidence showed that in many snowstorms over the years measurements at surrounding reporting stations including JFK, LGA, EWR, have been significantly higher than CPK despite the fact that they virtually surround this reporting station (Appendix One 2016 seasonal totals from last March show: 31.6" for CPK, while LGA is 35.6, JFK 40.9, and EWR 36.2; in the most recent storm they show respectively, 5.1", 7.0, 8.2, 5.8 ).  Additionally, scientific analysis reported by Math23X7 showed that in a recent storm between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the Conservancy reported .7" of snow fell, despite radar showing heavy banding over the city, and a qpf of .11" fell during that time frame with high ratios.
As a result of these findings legal action was pursued. Since that time, Central Park's record of snow accumulation reporting initially improved, but has been spotty at best.
During today's epic East Coast snowstorm, Math23X7 was dispatched to Central Park, measuring equipment in hand.  He obtained an accurate, verifiable measurement.  Subsequently, CPK updated its initial snow measurement in accord with that snow accumulation recorded by Math.  It is therefore clear to this Court that when the Conservancy's feet are held to the fire -- or the ice, as the case may be -- they can be incentivized to be accurate.  This court believes that a monitoring and verification process is the only way to ensure CPK compliance with accurate measurement protocols.
Therefore this resolution creates the Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission to be headed up by Math.  This Commission is hereby:
1.) granted access to inspect snow cover at Central Park at all hours and all days of the week in order to measure snow and/or to witness and verify the Conservancy's measurement of snow;
2.) authorized to perform unannounced inspections;
3.) granted access to publicly issued snowfall totals to ensure they are consistent with independent measurements conducted by the Commission.
If the Conservancy fails to comply with the conditions of this strict inspection regimen, the Commission is authorized to file a notice of violation with the OTI Parliament.  The Parliament is then authorized by this Court to impose the following Sanctions:
1.) an embargo of all goods and services into the Park; and/or
2.) suspension of public funding for Park activities; and/or
3.) prosecution of conservancy staff before the OTI Snow Crimes Tribunal for the snow crime of chronic under-measurement; and/or
4.) OTI Military Action to seize control of all CPK snow measurement operations and to enforce by force the accurate measurement of snowfall in the heart of our beloved New York City;

The Commission is hereby authorized to begin these functions forthwith and to hire any inspection staff necessary to carry out this mission at a salary to be approved by the Parliament (volunteer work is preferred).

Additionally, this Court hereby puts the snow measurement officials at LaGuardia Airport, and the management of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey on Notice that any further shenanigans like today's snow "measurement" at LGA could prompt this Court to expand the monitoring mission of Math's Commission to include monitoring, inspection and verification of snow measurements at LGA.

Hereby resolved and ordered.
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

A most excellent draft that will be tabled for the time being.Our illustrious Director of the Treasury, whose angst at the aforementioned agency you have deftly crafted this resolution has sadly neglected his duties here on OTI and has not deigned to even pay us a visit! He is dangerously close to being brought up on charges of 'high hatting", choosing to only appear on Mainland sites lest any association with us and our Island be construed as perhaps deleterious to his Mainland activities.I accuse former Snow king Mugsy, sadly also a Founding Father of the same crime.OTI Parliament is about to authorize placement of an ad in the OTI Daily Coconut for the position of Treasury Director, whose duties I have had to add to my already busy schedule of Director of Parliament and Director of the OTI Sanitarium.We at Parliament, are willing to wait on the above actions until the end of this month, January Anno Domani 2018 for the accused individuals to ameliorate their neglectful behavior.

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of OTI Sanitarium

billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL RESOLUTION
ORDERED BY THIS HONORABLE COURT ON THE 4TH DAY OF JANUARY, 2018

CREATION OF THE OTI MONITORING, VERIFICATION AND INSPECTION COMMISSION FOR ENFORCED COMPLIANCE WITH ACCURATE SNOW MEASUREMENTS

On January 15, 2017 this Honorable Court, in a legal action against NOAA, the National Weather Service, The Central Park Conservancy, the Wildlife Conservation Society (in its role as manager of the Central Park Zoo), the City of New York, et al, made the following findings:
There has been a persistent under measurement of official snowfall totals in Central Park dating back many years, perhaps decades.  This has led to tainted official snowfall totals for the City of New York. The evidence showed that in many snowstorms over the years measurements at surrounding reporting stations including JFK, LGA, EWR, have been significantly higher than CPK despite the fact that they virtually surround this reporting station (Appendix One 2016 seasonal totals from last March show: 31.6" for CPK, while LGA is 35.6, JFK 40.9, and EWR 36.2; in the most recent storm they show respectively, 5.1", 7.0, 8.2, 5.8 ).  Additionally, scientific analysis reported by Math23X7 showed that in a recent storm between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the Conservancy reported .7" of snow fell, despite radar showing heavy banding over the city, and a qpf of .11" fell during that time frame with high ratios.
As a result of these findings legal action was pursued. Since that time, Central Park's record of snow accumulation reporting initially improved, but has been spotty at best.
During today's epic East Coast snowstorm, Math23X7 was dispatched to Central Park, measuring equipment in hand.  He obtained an accurate, verifiable measurement.  Subsequently, CPK updated its initial snow measurement in accord with that snow accumulation recorded by Math.  It is therefore clear to this Court that when the Conservancy's feet are held to the fire -- or the ice, as the case may be -- they can be incentivized to be accurate.  This court believes that a monitoring and verification process is the only way to ensure CPK compliance with accurate measurement protocols.
Therefore this resolution creates the Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission to be headed up by Math.  This Commission is hereby:
1.) granted access to inspect snow cover at Central Park at all hours and all days of the week in order to measure snow and/or to witness and verify the Conservancy's measurement of snow;
2.) authorized to perform unannounced inspections;
3.) granted access to publicly issued snowfall totals to ensure they are consistent with independent measurements conducted by the Commission.
If the Conservancy fails to comply with the conditions of this strict inspection regimen, the Commission is authorized to file a notice of violation with the OTI Parliament.  The Parliament is then authorized by this Court to impose the following Sanctions:
1.) an embargo of all goods and services into the Park; and/or
2.) suspension of public funding for Park activities; and/or
3.) prosecution of conservancy staff before the OTI Snow Crimes Tribunal for the snow crime of chronic under-measurement; and/or
4.) OTI Military Action to seize control of all CPK snow measurement operations and to enforce by force the accurate measurement of snowfall in the heart of our beloved New York City;

The Commission is hereby authorized to begin these functions forthwith and to hire any inspection staff necessary to carry out this mission at a salary to be approved by the Parliament (volunteer work is preferred).

Additionally, this Court hereby puts the snow measurement officials at LaGuardia Airport, and the management of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey on Notice that any further shenanigans like today's snow "measurement" at LGA could prompt this Court to expand the monitoring mission of Math's Commission to include monitoring, inspection and verification of snow measurements at LGA.

Hereby resolved and ordered.
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

Absolutely brilliant, and hysterical as always. I have placed a copy of this in the OTI historical documents thread where it certainly belongs.

LGACantmeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

billg315 wrote:JUDICIAL RESOLUTION
ORDERED BY THIS HONORABLE COURT ON THE 4TH DAY OF JANUARY, 2018

CREATION OF THE OTI MONITORING, VERIFICATION AND INSPECTION COMMISSION FOR ENFORCED COMPLIANCE WITH ACCURATE SNOW MEASUREMENTS

On January 15, 2017 this Honorable Court, in a legal action against NOAA, the National Weather Service, The Central Park Conservancy, the Wildlife Conservation Society (in its role as manager of the Central Park Zoo), the City of New York, et al, made the following findings:
There has been a persistent under measurement of official snowfall totals in Central Park dating back many years, perhaps decades.  This has led to tainted official snowfall totals for the City of New York. The evidence showed that in many snowstorms over the years measurements at surrounding reporting stations including JFK, LGA, EWR, have been significantly higher than CPK despite the fact that they virtually surround this reporting station (Appendix One 2016 seasonal totals from last March show: 31.6" for CPK, while LGA is 35.6, JFK 40.9, and EWR 36.2; in the most recent storm they show respectively, 5.1", 7.0, 8.2, 5.8 ).  Additionally, scientific analysis reported by Math23X7 showed that in a recent storm between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the Conservancy reported .7" of snow fell, despite radar showing heavy banding over the city, and a qpf of .11" fell during that time frame with high ratios.
As a result of these findings legal action was pursued. Since that time, Central Park's record of snow accumulation reporting initially improved, but has been spotty at best.
During today's epic East Coast snowstorm, Math23X7 was dispatched to Central Park, measuring equipment in hand.  He obtained an accurate, verifiable measurement.  Subsequently, CPK updated its initial snow measurement in accord with that snow accumulation recorded by Math.  It is therefore clear to this Court that when the Conservancy's feet are held to the fire -- or the ice, as the case may be -- they can be incentivized to be accurate.  This court believes that a monitoring and verification process is the only way to ensure CPK compliance with accurate measurement protocols.
Therefore this resolution creates the Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission to be headed up by Math.  This Commission is hereby:
1.) granted access to inspect snow cover at Central Park at all hours and all days of the week in order to measure snow and/or to witness and verify the Conservancy's measurement of snow;
2.) authorized to perform unannounced inspections;
3.) granted access to publicly issued snowfall totals to ensure they are consistent with independent measurements conducted by the Commission.
If the Conservancy fails to comply with the conditions of this strict inspection regimen, the Commission is authorized to file a notice of violation with the OTI Parliament.  The Parliament is then authorized by this Court to impose the following Sanctions:
1.) an embargo of all goods and services into the Park; and/or
2.) suspension of public funding for Park activities; and/or
3.) prosecution of conservancy staff before the OTI Snow Crimes Tribunal for the snow crime of chronic under-measurement; and/or
4.) OTI Military Action to seize control of all CPK snow measurement operations and to enforce by force the accurate measurement of snowfall in the heart of our beloved New York City;

The Commission is hereby authorized to begin these functions forthwith and to hire any inspection staff necessary to carry out this mission at a salary to be approved by the Parliament (volunteer work is preferred).

Additionally, this Court hereby puts the snow measurement officials at LaGuardia Airport, and the management of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey on Notice that any further shenanigans like today's snow "measurement" at LGA could prompt this Court to expand the monitoring mission of Math's Commission to include monitoring, inspection and verification of snow measurements at LGA.

Hereby resolved and ordered.
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

Absolutely brilliant, and hysterical as always. I have placed a copy of this in the OTI historical documents thread where it certainly belongs.

LGACantmeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

A GLORIOUS morning with the return to OTI of our irreplaceable Director of the Treasury and Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler and Founding Father CP. Parliament now authorizes Attorney General Billg's draft to be set into motion.OTI without CP is like a Coconut Tree without Coconuts!

The OTI Sanitarium reports record revenues as a result of model mayhem on the Mainland the last few weeks with more to come as Monday and Tuesday of next week unfold!

Gentlemen,

I apologize for my lack of activity in this most trying of periods. Poor health has limited me to sleeping on a cot in the back of the lounge waking only to make a tiny post here and there bemoaning the lack of snow in the mainland threads. However, having read the resolution, I have instructed the staff here at the Coconut Lounge to prepare packages of food and drink should trips into the city to verify measurements be necessary. While it's sad such steps are necessary, never let it be said OTI shirks its responsibilities.

Aresian
Director of the Coconut Lounge

Doc:

Let’s face it you are the man that makes OTI tick. I doubt there is a more dedicated Director of Parliament and The OTI Sanitarium, on any imaginary cyber islands in the clouds than you.

Aresian how you survive from winter to winter within a short drive of places that average over 100 inches of snow a season and your area gets none of it I don’t see how you have not become a serial killer or at least gone insane. I am assuming of course you are neither of those.

TheAresian wrote:Gentlemen,

I apologize for my lack of activity in this most trying of periods. Poor health has limited me to sleeping on a cot in the back of the lounge waking only to make a tiny post here and there bemoaning the lack of snow in the mainland threads. However, having read the resolution, I have instructed the staff here at the Coconut Lounge to prepare packages of food and drink should trips into the city to verify measurements be necessary. While it's sad such steps are necessary, never let it be said OTI shirks its responsibilities.

Aresian
Director of the Coconut Lounge

Director of the Coconut Lounge,

Your steadfast loyalty and attention to the needs of OTI Authorities and Tourists is exemplary! The Coconut Lounge is the Crown Jewel of entertainment on OTI and this is directly a result of your stewardship.Your Director of Parliament takes note of the sadly unfortunate location of your Mainland Estate these recent years in receiving anything that can be called a significant amount of snow being too far away from both Lake Effect and Coastal System snows.You have a special OTI Official 1/2 rate at the OTI Sanitarium and should the Snow Deprivation Syndrome rear it's ugly head, call me personally at the Sanitarium and I will facilitate your entry and see to it that the very best arrangements are made!

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Doc:

Let’s face it you are the man that makes OTI tick. I doubt there is a more dedicated Director of Parliament and The OTI Sanitarium, on any imaginary cyber islands in the clouds than you.

Aresian how you survive from winter to winter within a short drive of places that average over 100 inches of snow a season and your area gets none of it I don’t see how you have not become a serial killer or at least gone insane. I am assuming of course you are neither of those.

Dear Director of the Treasury and Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler:

Your wonderful encomiums are appreciated greatly! You realize that you are my right arm in managing our Island but we are very fortunate to have  talented and dedicated individuals, syosnow, my indispensible partner in managing the sanitarium, Attorney General Billg, whose magnificent briefs,(legal I mean), are superbly crafted and well thought out,Math, our young Director of Technology, who keeps that part of our Island infrastructure  well tuned and operating at maximum efficiency, albeit warmly, and our unique, personable Director of the Coconut Lounge Aresian.By the timing of these recent posts, we both have considered the terrible, horrible circumstance of probably seeing the snow clouds dump 100 inches of snow 10 miles away from Aresian's Mainland Estate while he recieves nary a flake.Greater men than you or I, CP, have been reduced to puddles of protoplasmic jelly faced with lesser snow deprivation scenario than that.Yet, Aresian presses on in his OTI duty, steadfastly and responsibly.In my post next to yours, I have offered Aresian special accommodations at the OTI Sanitarium lest this particular malady should afflict him.

This last week has been one of the most peaceful and productive happy times at OTI since I have been here.  Our residents are very tranquil.  The economy is great.  The drinks are served just right.  There’s snow on the mainland and bitterly cold temperatures.  Life is good on OTI. If I had to nitpick there are two matters of continuing concern.

1.  One of our own continues to be an enigma.  Our very own Mikey Math.  Great young man who has begun to shoulder a lot more of the work ensuring accurate snow measurements.  HOWEVER. He continues to walk on the dark side as a Warmicist.  Very frustrating

2.  A few of us OTI officials led by yours truly are contemplating kidnapping a mainlander by the name of Jman.  Every time snow is mentioned he has a problem with it because it may interfere with his travels.  Unlike someone like say our beloved sroc4 who actually had travel plans cancelled and rearranged.  Did he cry?  No. Like a man he revelled  in all the snow his brothers and sisters were receiving and took one for the team.  [b]I PROPOSE A FEW OF US LED BY OUR CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER AND YOURS TRULY KIDNAP JMAN, BRING HIM TO THE ISLAND AND “ REARRANGE” HIS BRAIN. AFTERWARDS WE WILL RE-RELEASE HIM ON THE MAINLAND WHERE HE WILL NO LONGER COMPLAIN OF IMPENDING SNOW![/b]

syosnow94 wrote:This last week has been one of the most peaceful and productive happy times at OTI since I have been here.  Our residents are very tranquil.  The economy is great.  The drinks are served just right.  There’s snow on the mainland and bitterly cold temperatures.  Life is good on OTI. If I had to nitpick there are two matters of continuing concern.

1.  One of our own continues to be an enigma.  Our very own Mikey Math.  Great young man who has begun to shoulder a lot more of the work ensuring accurate snow measurements.  HOWEVER. He continues to walk on the dark side as a Warmicist.  Very frustrating

2.  A few of us OTI officials led by yours truly are contemplating kidnapping a mainlander by the name of Jman.  Every time snow is mentioned he has a problem with it because it may interfere with his travels.  Unlike someone like say our beloved sroc4 who actually had travel plans cancelled and rearranged.  Did he cry?  No. Like a man he revelled  in all the snow his brothers and sisters were receiving and took one for the team.  [b]I PROPOSE A FEW OF US LED BY OUR CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER AND YOURS TRULY KIDNAP JMAN, BRING HIM TO THE ISLAND AND “ REARRANGE” HIS BRAIN. AFTERWARDS WE WILL RE-RELEASE HIM ON THE MAINLAND WHERE HE WILL NO LONGER COMPLAIN OF IMPENDING SNOW![/b]

Dear Assistant Director of the OTI Sanitarium Syosnow:

As per Mikey Math, our Director of Technology, I suggest we place him under observation.Personally, I feel that many measuring expeditions to correct the Conservatory's notoriously abysmal undermeasurements of snow will be beneficial in curing him of these warmist psychosis.We have already seen the results in the latest measurement at Central Park,resulting in an amazing improvement of measuring there.We are suggesting to the OTI Medical Research team to fast track cloning of Mike to send two of them to La Guardia and Kennedy Airports to remediate those areas whaich are NOW under severe under measurement watch.

As per our beloved J Man, whose enthusiasm in all things weather related is commendable, we have an outpatient therapy group at the OTI Sanitarium with once a week sessions that perhaps could help him .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWNVYAs3hgk