OTI- Radiation contained - The Island is habitable again as of Jan 2023

If worse comes to worse, we can always make the waitresses take off their coconut shell bikini tops and use those for drinking.

syosnow94 wrote:Director of Mental Health here and reporting for duty.  The patients in the sanitarium are good but becoming restless as news of Irma begins to spread.  No worries. I have a plan.  I recently received a shipment of new "medications" from a friend in Bulgaria.  My plan is to test these out on the patients and if things go well I will bring them to our Opening Bash on October 1st as "party favors"

I wanted to give you a heads up Director of Mental Health, the Sanitarium is receiving many requests for treatment of "model mayhemitis" as per the pending Hurricane Irma.Be advised an early influx of patients will be arriving prior to our official Island opening of October 1st.That is all.....

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director OTI Sanitarium

Of course. After all, only a woman could drive that many people that crazy.

billg315 wrote:We may be forced to switch to that cow currency.

Citizens and government officials of OTI, please stop spreading currency rumors.  We have already seen our coconut and banana backed currency drop by 35% on the currency markets in the past two days because of these unsubstantiated stories.

In addition the one Cow we have on OTI has reportedly received five enemas in the past 24 hours from citizens seeking to corner the cow dung market. As long as I am Director of the Treasury we have been and always will be Banana and coconut based, so please leave the cow alone.

In addition farmers Jones, the cows owner, is also asking that all male citizens please leave his daughters alone. He warns that he has sharpened his bamboo swords and the next ahole that tries to visit for a midnight rendevous will leave with bamboo where the sun don't shine.

CPCantMeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

billg315 wrote:We may be forced to switch to that cow currency.

Citizens and government officials of OTI, please stop spreading currency rumors.  We have already seen our coconut and banana backed currency drop by 35% on the currency markets in the past two days because of these unsubstantiated stories.

In addition the one Cow we have on OTI has reportedly received five enemas in the past 24 hours from citizens seeking to corner the cow dung market. As long as I am Director of the Treasury we have been and always will be Banana and coconut based, so please leave the cow alone.

In addition farmers Jones, the cows owner, is also asking that all male citizens please leave his daughters alone. He warns that he has sharpened his bamboo swords and the next ahole that tries to visit for a midnight rendevous will leave with bamboo where the sun don't shine.

CPCantMeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

You are right, CP, it's blatant currency manipulation by unscrupulous manipulators trying to gain an advantage.In addition, I am hearing rumors that these nefarious speculators are trying to undermine our OTI currency by trying to issue crypto currency called BitBananna and Ethereumnut via the internet.Please be advised of these underhanded machinations and advise Parliament when we open up for business on October 1st.I advise you give your report BEFORE the opening party hosted by Aresian, Director of the Coconut Lounge on that evening.

I have sent a specialist out to Farmer Jones, an individual who designs chastity belts, not only for his daughter but a modified version Farmer Jones can use on said cow to prevent thievery of the aforementioned "cow dung".It's the proverbial "kill two birds with one stone", yet ANOTHER example of the efficiency of your Parliament.I am sure when the currency situation is under control and currency scalpers realize that the cow dung is merely good for fertilization, this matter will be closed.

As ever I remain,

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of the OTI Sanitarium

And in case anybody was wondering whether or not Farmer Jones is serious about that whole bamboo thing, I have it on wood.... umm... good... good authority that he is 100% serious.

docstox12 wrote:

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

billg315 wrote:We may be forced to switch to that cow currency.

Citizens and government officials of OTI, please stop spreading currency rumors.  We have already seen our coconut and banana backed currency drop by 35% on the currency markets in the past two days because of these unsubstantiated stories.

In addition the one Cow we have on OTI has reportedly received five enemas in the past 24 hours from citizens seeking to corner the cow dung market. As long as I am Director of the Treasury we have been and always will be Banana and coconut based, so please leave the cow alone.

In addition farmers Jones, the cows owner, is also asking that all male citizens please leave his daughters alone. He warns that he has sharpened his bamboo swords and the next ahole that tries to visit for a midnight rendevous will leave with bamboo where the sun don't shine.

CPCantMeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

You are right, CP, it's blatant currency manipulation by unscrupulous manipulators trying to gain an advantage.In addition, I am hearing rumors that these nefarious speculators are trying to undermine our OTI currency by trying to issue crypto currency called BitBananna and Ethereumnut via the internet.Please be advised of these underhanded machinations and advise Parliament when we open up for business on October 1st.I advise you give your report BEFORE the opening party hosted by Aresian, Director of the Coconut Lounge on that evening.

I have sent a specialist out to Farmer Jones, an individual who designs chastity belts, not only for his daughter but a modified version Farmer Jones can use on said cow to prevent thievery of the aforementioned "cow dung".It's the proverbial "kill two birds with one stone", yet ANOTHER example of the efficiency of your Parliament.I am sure when the currency situation is under control and currency scalpers realize that the cow dung is merely good for fertilization, this matter will be closed.

As ever I remain,

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of the OTI Sanitarium

TheAresian wrote:And in case anybody was wondering whether or not Farmer Jones is serious about that whole bamboo thing, I have it on wood.... umm... good... good authority that he is 100% serious.

I should not be having this much fun when I have close family in  harms way but I guess we all cope in different ways. You're too much Doc, and Aresian just hysterical.

It appears my update in regards to our currency this morning along with Docs swift action in Paliament has stabilized our Cocanana in relation to the dollar.

We closed today up 8.5%. It now takes 1,243 Cocanana's to exchange for $1.

CPCantMeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

The bamboo didn't hurt me that bad. I lubed prior to my visit with a coconut and banana based KY jelly.

Smart man. I was dumb enough to believe he wasn't going to be home for hours and I ended up feeling like the Donkey Kong from the Racist Mario video on YouTube.

syosnow94 wrote:The bamboo didn't hurt me that bad. I lubed prior to my visit with a coconut and banana based KY jelly.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Gentlemen,

We are now under two weeks away from the government of our beloved OTI returning to session and with that comes the welcome back party. I've requisitioned funding for two dozen dancing girls and one dozen bikinis. I know it seems sexist, but I'd rather save the Lounge's funding for emergency expenses, like bail and antibiotics. I anxiously await the first of October and the glorious return to full functioning.

Director of the Coconut Lounge
Aresian

4 Flakes Good. 2 Flakes better.

OTI Government Officials, workers and friends, our Island officially opens for business for the Mainland Public for the winter season of 2017-2018.We at Parliament await the upcoming long range winter weather forecasts from our Mainland experts to formulate our budgetary needs for this fiscal year as per the reccomendations of our Director of the Treasury CP.Data is sketchy at the moment but I am sure the long range experts will soon be releasing the information.

As we begin yet another year of serving the Mainland Public, let me take this opportunity as Director of OTI Parliament to thank all visitors who have in the past visited our Island for a brief period of vacationary rest or more intense therapy at our world renowned OTI Sanitarium that specializes in the various mental maladies caused by lack of snow and cold.Feel free to post here to add your input or to ask any questions of any OTI Government Official who will be more than willing to help you.

Remember , at OTI, snow deprivation relief is just a click away and our motto is "Service with a SMILE"

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of OTI Sanitarium

Reading the posts in this section of the forum makes me laugh every time. So clever Doc!!

Welcome back to one and all. The party has been going on all day long here at the Coconut Lounge and I for one am happy to be back. Come on by, have a drink served by a beautiful woman or have a woman served with a beautiful drink. *looks around and whispers* Am I allowed to make those kind of suggestions?

TheAresian wrote:Welcome back to one and all. The party has been going on all day long here at the Coconut Lounge and I for one am happy to be back. Come on by, have a drink served by a beautiful woman or have a woman served with a beautiful drink. *looks around and whispers* Am I allowed to make those kind of suggestions?

Great job Director of the Coconut lounge on our opening day party! It will go down in the annals of OTI history as one of the finest.As far as suggestions go, what goes on in the Coconut Lounge STAYS in the Coconut Lounge!

I'll be beginning a full Island tour today of all facilities and infrastructure this coming week to insure smooth and efficient operation.

Over and out, Docstox

It's a good thing that happenings in the lounge stay there otherwise they'd have to invent new indecency charges. The simple truth is that lounge depravity is like snow: no matter how much you end up getting, you can always go for just a little bit more. Oh, and on a cheery note, I made it through the entire party without losing my pants. That was a pleasant change of pace.

Gentlemen, it's been a quiet few weeks here on OTI and I just wanted to let our esteemed government officials know that all is well here in the lounge.

With the possibility of colder weather arriving on the Mainland this week and a more favorable long range guidance,OTI should be getting into full swing.However, the dismal attendance of OTI officials since the opening of the Island on October 1st may force me into the extreme measure of dissolving Parliament and assuming dictatorial power to facilitate the administration of the Island.My loyal and faithful Director of the Coconut Lounge remains steadfast in his duties, but my Director of the Treasury, Attorney General and Director of Technology are AWOL ATM.

Perhaps the possible arrival of the first flakes of snow for the Mainland will get OTI back into full swing for the winter of 21017-2018.

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of OTI Sanitarium
Possibly soon to be "Dear Leader Docstox"

With so many from OTI AWOL ATM, we could be SOL if things don't change ASAP. *looks around then snickers* I had way too fun much saying that.

Aresian
Director of the Coconut Lounge

Rumors of a possible declaration of dictatorial powers have caused me to order the court into session to preserve and protect this island's governmental structure.
As you know gentlemen, constitutionally speaking we have the president, Vice President and then the Secretary of State; therefore I am in charge here in the White House pending return of the Vice President from Texas . . . . Oh wait. Dammit, I was reading the wrong statement. That's an old one I wrote for Al Haig. (Speaking of which I wonder how that went over?)
Anyway, this honorable court is in session and prepared to deal with any legal matters arising on island this winter including issues regarding an unusual influx of mainlanders we may see if some of the predictions I'm seeing hinted at for a disappointing winter hold true.
Bill G
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor (CJEI)

What really annoys me is that despite the best efforts by the OTI government, the NWS did not revise the suspiciously low snowfall amounts by the Central Park Conservancy from last winter.  The 5.1" from 1/7 and 0.6" from 1/14, both snow events that featured much higher snow totals at nearby NWS stations than at CPK.

Anyway, there is much excitement from the mainland over the long range pattern which favors a cold/snowy pattern from mid-November through December.  However, it is also nervous excitement.  Heck, even emperor Frank showed the 46-day EPS mean temperature anomalies and it showed the cold pattern.  Notice that the 46-day stretch ends on the evening of December 21st.  I have great concern that at the end of this period, we will get a Great Lakes Cutter (GLC), which several days before Christmas in 2013 eliminated the snowpack in the northeast and brought widespread 70's.  Also last year was cold mid-December before we had the blowtorch around Christmas.   I can go on an on and on.

My point is, OTI is going to have plenty of visitors from the mainland with the encouraging cold/snow signal.  But we need to have the Sanitarium up and running in the event we have what I mentioned above.

Anyway, nice to see OTI up and running again!

Math23x7
Director of Technology

Present but not accounted for.

If we see some white this evening or Friday morning my faith in what has so far been a horribly mild fall may be restored.

Cpcantmeasuresnow
Director of the Treasury
GHEMR

A PROCLAMATION

I , Docstox, hereby withdraw my declaration of the threat of dictatorial actions as a result of OTI Leadership reporting for duty.Apparently, and unbeknownst to myself, said Leadership had been on an extended bender at the Coconut Lounge's satellite facility on the beach at Sector 9, and the celebratory ribaldry extended for a longer period of time.Now that everybody is on duty,albeit somewhat hung over but recovering, normal OTI Governing is now in action.I thnk all of you fine people for your continued dedication to your OTI duties.

I would like to bring up before Parliament a discussion on the possibility of establishing the OTI Institute of Meteorological
Term Translation, for Mainlanders who wish to ascertain just what is meant by the erudite discussions of long term and winter predictions used by the amazingly talented and informed staff on the Mainland.

With the possible sighting of the first flakes of the coming winter season on the Mainland, the OTI Sanitarium is up and running almost to complete efficiency as we are anticipating many a nail biting night to come very shortly for the Snowaholics on the Mainland.

Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of OTI Sanitarium

Gentlemen,

It is good to see that everybody has made their way back to their offices. The report from the Sector 9 branch of our esteemed Coconut Lounge was full of nothing but good things. Welcome back and here's looking forward to another great year.

Aresian
Director of the Coconut Lounge

IM BACK BITCHES!!!! Now that Frank has begun to mention snow in the forecast and with the arrival of our first cold arctic blast I’m reporting for duty. This year in the interests of “fairness and kindness” I pledge to fulfill my experiments.......(excuse me) treatments with the utmost diligence and compassion so as not to trigger or offend any new members. My change of heart is out of compassion for the many millennial snowflakes I fear may be paying a visit. I have become a much more tolerant and understanding person.

To all my fellow OTI office holders I say that I am excited to be back. One word of caution.......in lieu of the Harvey Weinstein scandal I believe we (especially our esteemed Cocunut Lounge Director) need to be more careful in reporting the behaviors that go on in the lounge. Remember. Loose Lips Sink Ships.....or in this case Islands.

Yours Truly
Syosnow