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OTI - Temporary Emergency Re-Opening

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TheAresian
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Post by docstox12 Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:57 pm

billg315 wrote:After now two-and-a-half subpar winters in a row, I figure drastic steps must be taken to try to change our luck before we lose this entire winter. But how? I asked myself, "self, what futile and stupid gesture could I engage in that might change the karma of this winter before it goes completely off the rails?" Self-immolation on the steps of the Climate Prediction Center? No, too drastic. Streaking through the Quad in tomorrow's snow flurries? No, would subject me to a lewdness charge. Then it hit me:

What could be more futile and stupid a gesture, than for me to come OTI, by myself, and re-open the whole darn radiation encased place? So here I am. I spent the better part of today cleaning up the last remnants of the radiation. I used good old fashioned water, Dawn dishsoap and elbow grease because I vaguely remember them using that to clean up radiation once on TV. Or was that an oil spill? Anyway. We also temporarily have a mandatory cloth mask policy, as informal studies show masks may reduce the risk of radiation poisoning from any random isotopes the quick clean-up today may have missed.

I can report the place is now sparkling clean. The Parliament Building looks majestic, the Hall of Justice is resplendent, and the Coconut Lounge has a new bar, new jukebox, and Jon Taffer has provided new signage and a revamped menu. There is even a Pool of Drunken Pessimism outside the Coconut Lounge modeled after sroc's Pool of Cautious Optimism on the Mainland. Except here people are encouraged to engage in wild drunken laments about storms that just-missed or never-came-to-be. It is healthy to get it out of their system while totally inebriated in a pool.

I'm fully aware I may be the only one hanging out here and that past guests and dignitaries may be too scared to visit or hangout here due to the risk that my Dawn dishwashing liquid remediation did not effectively remove the radiation. That is ok. I'll saddle up to the bar in the Coconut Lounge, enjoy a cold drink, and whisper to myself, "Serenity Now, Serenity Now."

But should anyone come to join me, this is some video from the dedication of the new boat slip where refugees from Mainland can come to relax, get treatment for snow depravation, and throw down some cocktails. I think it demonstrates just what a fun, hip place this is:
https://youtu.be/VGpQej3o9eo

This is the most magnificent gesture from the Director of Technical Affairs and Analysis, to re-open OTI in this desperate time of need.I have seen glimpses of posts in the Mainland threads of banishments and self sacrifice to help bring a huge snowstorm to all areas of the Mainland .Radiation be damned, this is a critical situation that must be dealt with firmly and efficiently.I have used a remedy that old Italian Grandmothers used to protect their families from any type of harm, garlic infused Crisco that I have covered my entire body with.This should ameliorate any lingering radiation effects.
I have entered the OTI Institute of Winter Storm Technology to try and find a way to phase these storms more effectively.For the lingering southern stream of energy that just refuses to phase, I will experiment with the OTI Air Force dropping from high altitudes small pictures of General US Grant that southern entities hate, to try and stimulate more movement.I will be working 24/7 so any remaining winter storms will phase properly and enter the Roidzilla category for all our Mainland folks.
I urge CP not to slef sacrifice, but get here right away to help us in our work to not only save THIS storm, but any other in the remaining time of winter 2021-2022.
Desperate times need desperate measures.
Over and out for now.

Docstox
Director of OTI Parliamnet
Director of OTI Sanitarium ( which has received GLOWING accolades after the radiation accident and is open for business0

January 26
Anno Domani 2022

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Post by docstox12 Tue Dec 20, 2022 4:00 pm

Temporary Emergency Re Re Opening:
Exposing myself to mega rads of radiation by coming here in an attempt to reverse the horrible pattern we are in.If it doesn't work, the compensation will be I save on electric bills for a month or two as I put a bulb in my mouth and walk around my house back on the Mainland.If it does work, a statue of me in the center of Central Park to annoy the Zookeeper will be put up(right on the spot they use to inaccurately measure snow).

I used to be a contenda here but I forgot what I used to be.Must be the radiation!

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Post by billg315 Wed Dec 21, 2022 9:58 am

Booking my flight back to OTI to join you soon. Unfortunately, my flight is delayed by impending wind and . . . rain.
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Post by docstox12 Wed Dec 21, 2022 12:24 pm

billg315 wrote:Booking my flight back to OTI to join you soon. Unfortunately, my flight is delayed by impending wind and . . . rain.

No problem, I will send the OTI Executive Liner out for you Billg.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrrDLdeL2HQ
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Post by billg315 Wed Dec 21, 2022 3:12 pm

LOL. That's about the type of arrival I'd expect.
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Post by CPcantmeasuresnow Thu Dec 22, 2022 10:42 pm

I’m back.

Radiation sickness is actually preferably to the God awful Decembers we’ve had to endure on the mainland, the last several years. I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.

Hey Doc where do we keep the potassium iodide pills? I may be foregoing the hazmat suit but I’d still like to take some precautions.

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Post by docstox12 Fri Dec 23, 2022 7:26 am

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:I’m back.

Radiation sickness is actually preferably to the God awful Decembers we’ve had to endure on the mainland, the last several years. I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.

Hey Doc where do we keep the potassium iodide pills? I may be foregoing the hazmat suit but I’d still like to take some precautions.

CPcantmeasuresnow
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lol! lol! lol!

CP,
I have a hidden stash of them in the lower left draw at my desk in the Parliament Building.Help yourself, my good man.
Your're right, radiation is a slow way to go, but preferable to these horrible Decembers.
In a last ditch effort to have a White Christmas on the Mainland, I am building a message on the beach with dried up palm fronds that reads "backend snow or bust"!
If that does not work, I have the key to the Coconut Lounge and will be drowning my sorrows with many neat Bourbons.

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All around general pain in the butt
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Post by CPcantmeasuresnow Fri Jan 06, 2023 2:30 pm

For anyone looking to visit I honestly don’t think there’s enough radiation on the Island to harm a small mouse. I’m actually starting to think the whole thing was fake news. Things are looking good here for anyone that wants to repatriate our homeland.

At this stage of the game as I still monitor things on the mainland I will not let this winter get to me. Anything upcoming that looks good on the models will fail, that’s the only guarantee I can give anyone willing to take the risk to visit the island and listen to my ramblings.

It’s  not my place here to argue how or why, I need to tell you all what I know from monitoring winters for 55+ years now. They are not what they used to be. I’ve lived through the bad years and I’ve lived through the good, but snowfall aside winters are much warmer than they used to be and there is no disputing that and I can’t stand it. It’s not just in the northeast, it’s everywhere.

I’ve always said a good winter in my neck of the woods you have to have sustained snow cover for at least 50+ days during the winter season. I haven’t tallied them up but I think right now I’m about at six. The warmth has just been absolutely ridiculous, but like I said I don’t care, I’m on the island and life is good.

Pattern change is probably the most abusive word or phrase uttered during the winter season, they always seem to be two weeks off and they never materialize when the time arrives.

I think the phrase should be changed to “forecast computer model pattern changes that will not happen” Yes it’s a much longer phrase but much closer to the truth.

Stratospheric warming? If I had $10,000 for every time I heard the phrase, only to see it not come to fruition I would Have a net worth rivaling Steve Cohen‘s.

Volcanic cooling? Mugs I love you dearly you know I do, and you're incredibly knowledgeable on this stuff, but if you post one more volcano warning and tell me how it's going to make winter better in 18 months I may erupt.

Back to the sand. Life is good, winter is evil, OTI is paradise.

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Post by docstox12 Fri Jan 06, 2023 3:19 pm

CP, I know it wouldn't harm THIS mouse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V57hP7Ipjw4

He has too much olive oil and garlic in him to prevent radiation damage.

It is good to vent from the couch in the OTI Sanitarium here, I have my note pad and pencil, and have taken all this down for future study for the treatment of snow deprived snow a holics.

Repeat this phrase ten times a day "every day in every way the pattern is getting closer" and it will help you through this dismal period.

Coconut Lounge is now open and happy hour starts at 5 PM.See you there my good man!

Docstox
Director of OTI Parliament
Director of OTI Sanitarium

PS: You realize that the time we spend in OTI will force the atmosphere to favorable winter conditions.
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Post by CPcantmeasuresnow Sat Jan 07, 2023 6:45 am

I appreciate the therapy session Doc and I left the usual payment of 5 coconuts and three bananas. The professional discount for Island residents and mystic rulers is greatly appreciated.

I will not however be coming back for any additional sessions. I have come to realize the sooner I accept that this winter there will actually be no winter the better I will be. If a two week period should occur in February or March or worse yet April where we have cold and snow that does not a winter make. It seems that when the long range models show extended warmth and unseasonably mild that’s the only time they’re right and that’s all I see. I will accept it, embrace it and live on the island for the rest of my life.

Let’s meet at the Coconut Lounge this afternoon and toast the death of Winter. Long live OTI, to hell with the mainland.
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Post by docstox12 Sat Jan 07, 2023 7:11 am

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:I appreciate the therapy session Doc and I left the usual payment of 5 coconuts and three bananas. The professional discount for Island residents and mystic rulers is greatly appreciated.

I will not however be coming back for any additional sessions. I have come to realize the sooner I accept that this winter there will actually be no winter the better I will be. If a two week period should occur in February or March or worse yet April where we have cold and snow that does not a winter make. It seems that  when the long range models show extended warmth and unseasonably mild that’s the only time they’re right and that’s all I see. I will accept it, embrace it and live on the island for the rest of my life.

Let’s meet at the Coconut Lounge this afternoon and toast the death of Winter. Long live OTI, to hell with the mainland.

Thank you, Director of the Treasury for the prompt payment.I have deposited this in the refrigerated vault at the OTI Savings and Loan.

You have cured yourself with only one session and I congratulate you on this. Sadly, The facts you mention mut be accepted by snow a holics like ourselves lest madness reigns!
See you later at the Coconut Lounge for that toast.

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Post by CPcantmeasuresnow Sat Jan 07, 2023 1:06 pm

In my official write off of the Winter of 2022/23 I forgot to thank Bill for cleaning up any residual radiation on OTI with good old fashioned dawn liquid dishwashing soap. I’m pretty certain he used the grease cutting platinum formula so anyone foolish enough to still reside on the mainland keep that in mind should madman Putin do the unthinkable sometime in the near future.

40’s and a good soaking rain next weekend for the Mainland. Spring certainly can be ugly in these parts.
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Post by docstox12 Sat Jan 07, 2023 2:23 pm

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:In my official write off of the Winter of 2022/23 I forgot to thank Bill for cleaning up any residual radiation on OTI with good old fashioned dawn liquid dishwashing soap. I’m pretty certain he used the grease cutting platinum formula so anyone foolish enough to still reside on the mainland keep that in mind should madman Putin do the unthinkable sometime in the near future.

40’s and a good soaking rain next weekend for the Mainland. Spring certainly can be ugly in these parts.

We had a large size oil tanker full of that platinum formula dawn docked at the OTI Port of Entry for weeks distributing the stuff.Billg's connections on the Mainland somehow avoided the supply chain difficulties and you will be happy to know.as Director of the Treasury, Billg negotiated a pre inflation price of 2020.
Now you can bring your pots and pans to the beach ,add a little sand and water, and you will instantly have detergent at your service.

The misery continues on the Mainland but in beautiful OTI, those awful circumstances do not mean a thing.

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Post by docstox12 Mon Jan 09, 2023 12:16 pm

Desperate times on the Mainland require desperate action on OTI!

I will spend the next week on every sector of OTI gathering up dried palm fronds and any wood detritus washed up along the shorline.I will pile this all up and make a huge bonfire to send up a thermal impulse to warm the stratospheric layer thereby forcing the polar vortex to send massive amounts of cold air into the mainland areas.

A previous attempt at lighting this bonfire with a few of my assistants ended in total failure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln1FNbHAotI

Hopefully, this next attempt will force positive atmospheric changes to change this dreadful winter on the Mainland.

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Post by docstox12 Mon Jan 09, 2023 7:26 pm

Just read a post on the long range thread of the Mainland Board and one of the distinguished moderators and meteorologist there, has been lurking here on OTI.He is always most welcome here, after all, we exist here on OTI at the indulgence of our Emperor ,Frank and his Praetorian Guard/aka Moderators.
You will always drink for free, Doc, at the Coconut Lounge.Just ring me up at Parliament and I will drag CP with me so we can share a drink or three and toast to an upper level low closing at the right spot!
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Post by CPcantmeasuresnow Mon Jan 09, 2023 10:20 pm

I saw that Doc, I put in a call to Snowman, the original Director of OTI security, to see if he’s interested in any contract work. Hard to find him these days, ever since his dalliance with the Snow Queen he hasn’t been the same.

Doc, or Sroc for purposes of this conversation , is of course welcome here at anytime but he needs to adhere to our guest Visa and immigration laws. We don’t want to end up like the Mainland regarding our borders.

Anyway I’ll keep this brief as I’m on pins and needles watching the CFP championship game. The madness on the Mainland must not be allowed to spread to OTI and this is where Sroc or any other visitors from the Mainland concern me. To my very untrained eye, There is no snow in the long range, short, medium or imaginary range models. I know this is hard for people to accept but this is the new climate and we need to embrace it. If citizens on the Mainland want to put their hope in stratospheric warming, Volcanos, EPO, SOI, MJO, AO, NAO and other forms of weather Vodoo leave them to their madness. When they are willing to embrace that Winter doesn’t exist, and there is only Fall, Wall, Wing, Spring and Summer seasons, only then can they apply for guest Visas.  

Of course these are my opinions and as the Director of the Treasury and Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler I realize I don’t have the final say in any of this. Of course if the island does become infested with these types I can always break away again and form OOTI. Im sure it won’t come to that.

Anyway getting a little tired. When I saw my reflection in the lagoon today I happened to notice I have no eyebrows. Maybe Billg didn’t do as good a job cleaning up the radiation as I originally thought.

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Post by docstox12 Tue Jan 10, 2023 6:23 am

Agree 100% with you CP on the immigration policy for OTI.Don't think we have much to worry about on that one,LOL.
Until there is a drastic change for the better vis a vis,snow, on the Mainland, I will exile myself here on OTI hoping that act of self sacrifice will move the powers that be controlling Wall and Wing weather to set up a 100 inch plus year one year for all Mainland areas.
Sent out an urgent request for more Dawn detergent as that loss of your eyebrows is very concerning.
Hope you enjoyed the game as their is precious little to enjoy on the Mainland in this dreadful winter.

Meanwhile, for our safety here,I have ordered some of these for us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp8j-R5j00s

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Post by billg315 Wed Jan 11, 2023 9:00 am

Numerous studies by reputable scientists have found no direct link between the loss of eyebrows and OTI radiation. However, 1 out of 1000 people who come in contact with an excess of grease-cutting Dawn, may lose various forms of facial hair, to include eyebrows. We thought it was a risk worth taking to remove the radiation. I should have added a disclaimer at the visitor's center though.
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