OT: "Off-Topic Island"

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Quick Notes:

To the Director of Technology: Is there any resolution yet to the P1K+100 problem? The number is rapidly approaching.

To the Director of Mental Health: Your work has been exemplary so far.

To the Chief Justice: We need that lawsuit money for the moat and draw bridges, the influx of illegals from the Mainland is about to become a torrent brought on by the torrent we expect this Tuesday.

To the Director of Culinary Arts: I can't remember your new designated title, what is it? How come the Coconut room does not have one new menu or drink item since your promotion?

To the Chief of Security, the Director of Tourism and Immigration and the ex Monarch. How come you all have time to post on the Mainland but ignore your brethren on OTI?

The Director of Parliament: I realize you're visiting Mom Docstox on Tuesdays and you are applauded for it but we are in crisis times here, and may need to reach you if this impending influx brought on by another endless stream of cutters reaches a tipping point this coming Tuesday.

To the EMPEROR or Vice EMPEROR - The "will Mugs be overthrow" on our subtitle really needs to be updated. That happened about 3 years ago. Can an active Director (like say the Director of Parliament or Treasury) get authorship on this thread so we can update ourselves?

CP Cantmeasuresnow
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler
Director of Treasury
Acting Director of Immigration and Tourism, until Taffy returns.

All very cogent and appropriate points and I hope all OTI dignitaries will follow up and answer our Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler and director of the Treasury's queries above.

As for myself, I have requested and received permission form the Dutchess of Bergen County( my 96 year old Mom) to attend to her needs Wednesday and Thursday this week with the impending slop storm which will leave my 700 foot high Mainland Estate encased in frozen concrete thereby making any vehicular traveling next to impossible.I will therefor be at my station here at the Parliament Building to handle the massive influx of snow deprived Mainlanders suffering from Cutteritis,Slopmonia, and Torchitis.Perhaps the model Gods will be gracious to send the storm much more east to give the Mainland a Bannanazilla.We at the Sanitarium have been overworked and understaffed and we could use the rest ourselves!!

First I endorse the Emperor granting authority to either the Director of Parliament or the "Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler Director of Treasury Acting Director of Immigration and Tourism, until Taffy returns" to make changes to this thread and/or its title. In an emergency situation the Emperor may not be available and if a sudden change is required someone who is regularly present on the island should be able to step into action. I do recommend that you approach the Emperor delicately. He has been under a lot of pressure with the recent warming of the short-term forecast and he (with complete justification in my mind) may be prone to strangling the next person who approaches him with a "winter is over" or "how come it's not cold yet" question. Walk a mile in the Emperor's shoes before complaining that your feet hurt, I say.
As for the lawsuit settlement, as you might imagine the defendant's in this case are a disreputable bunch. They are claiming that they don't have the money to pay right now because it has all been spent on social and city services for those who are living in the city as part of NYC's "Sanctuary City" status. The defendant's have counter-offered as an alternative to paying the settlement that they place what they label as one of the city's "foreign-born newcomers" in charge of snow measurements in the park. I have rejected this counter-offer outright.
Respectfully
Billg
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

billg315 wrote:First I endorse the Emperor granting authority to either the Director of Parliament or the "Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler Director of Treasury Acting Director of Immigration and Tourism, until Taffy returns" to make changes to this thread and/or its title. In an emergency situation the Emperor may not be available and if a sudden change is required someone who is regularly present on the island should be able to step into action. I do recommend that you approach the Emperor delicately. He has been under a lot of pressure with the recent warming of the short-term forecast and he (with complete justification in my mind) may be prone to strangling the next person who approaches him with a "winter is over" or "how come it's not cold yet" question. Walk a mile in the Emperor's shoes before complaining that your feet hurt, I say.
As for the lawsuit settlement, as you might imagine the defendant's in this case are a disreputable bunch. They are claiming that they don't have the money to pay right now because it has all been spent on social and city services for those who are living in the city as part of NYC's "Sanctuary City" status. The defendant's have counter-offered as an alternative to paying the settlement that they place what they label as one of the city's "foreign-born newcomers" in charge of snow measurements in the park. I have rejected this counter-offer outright.
Respectfully
Billg
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

I agree with you on the Emperor.His mainland duties of Chief Long Range Analyzer has taken a huge toll on his peace of mind what with massive demonstrations and near riots of snow deprived snow loving Mainlanders.When the Emperor wishes to discuss this matter with Parliament, I will be available .

As per the pending payment of funds from the Conservancy, it is logical that an institution that undermeasures snow so blatantly should try to weasel out of payment.I ask you Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor to apply as much pressure as possible to resolve this matter.In lieu of payment, we have been having a record season with mainland Tourists and attendance at the Sanitarium, so we are making ends meet.This next cutter storm should break all records for Mainlanders fleeing to OTI!!

Did someone say apply pressure? I have an idea boss. I've been experimenting with some long standing psychiatric drugs here at the sanitarium. I think I've come up with a new and improved type of PCP. When combined with the mango skins left over on OTI as well as with a pinch of coconut shell fiber this new and improved psychoactive drug which I've named OTICP has been found to give my patients superhuman strength and aggression, as well as uncanny persuasive powers. ..........My idea is to begin administering this new drug to all members of parliament effective immediately. Then we all physically show up at the mainland conservatory and don't leave till we get our payment. Old school. We don't have time to waste with this upcoming cutter. Funds are needed now!!!

I will be staying here until the February 9, 2017 storm, which hopefully becomes a storm, is over. One F'n run of the REGM showing 8 inches of snow over Orange County instead of the 10-16 I saw on every other model today and already I'm freaking out. That's when you know it's time to take a break from the models and relax on our Island Paradise and forget about weather.

Ahhhhhhh, I feel better already. Thank you OTI.

CP Cantmeasuresnow
OTI tourist for the next few days

My Good Man, join me at the Coconut Lounge later, the beverages are on me! Model Mayhem has sent many a good weather enthusiast screaming and pulling their hair running into the Sanitarium.We can't have you winding up there again, CP, we need your executive and administrative skills too much! Ignore the models, return to the Mainland later and turn on your computer 6 AM Thursday Morning.Then, if all does not pan out, well we have your old room at the Sanitarium ready to go!!!

I hope CP, Doc, and Billg are on standby mode for another potential case against the CPK Conservancy as the snow looms.

Math23x7 wrote:I hope CP, Doc, and Billg are on standby mode for another potential case against the CPK Conservancy as the snow looms.

Rumor has it that CNN is closely monitoring the situation and will send breaking Notifications when anticipated action is taken.

It appears, from early accounts that the measurements in CPK today were ... dare I say realistic?? One wonders if the legal proceedings against them have had a positive impact on the accuracy of their measurements.

billg315 wrote:It appears, from early accounts that the measurements in CPK today were ... dare I say realistic?? One wonders if the legal proceedings against them have had a positive impact on the accuracy of their measurements.

You sent them a message and they've taken notice but one okay measurement, and I still say it's a half to an inch low, does not make up for a thousand sins of the past. Don't give them an inch, pun intended, or they'll take a mile.

This may soon be a class-action lawsuit (also posted in Banter). I'm reviewing the effect of this case (which would be in the 3rd Circuit) on our case:
http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_top/413371613.html Snow: 0.8-Gate? Recount changes total at PHL

Am I in the right spot now?

TheAresian wrote:Am I in the right spot now?

Finally, tour the Island take a swim, we will send a greeting party tonight.

If I get go for a swim, the sun will reflect off me and be visible to passing satellites. But I will take a tour of the island, thank you.

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

TheAresian wrote:Am I in the right spot now?

Finally, tour the Island take a swim, we will send a greeting party tonight.

Aresian, here is the greeting party we are sending to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3KR0MEe-Mo

I can feel my sobriety slipping away.

TheAresian wrote:If I get go for a swim, the sun will reflect off me and be visible to passing satellites. But I will take a tour of the island, thank you.

ROTFL

SNOW MAN wrote:

syosnow94 wrote:Not throwing in the towel just yet CP. but it doesn't look good. I'm looking forward to trout fishing and golf (I'm the hs coach) which starts in mid march

CP for this statement I think we should consider revoking his OTI membership. I think you and Doc should take it under review, LOL !

Chief Security Officer.

I alerted Doc and he is in conference with Billg as we speak. Charges may be filed later today. His citizenship and Directors position are both in jeopardy. Jail time may be warranted. Prepare your staff to take him into custody later today.

I'm afraid this egregious violation of my Director of Mental Health does warrant review.Parliament will be called for a Sunday session and hopefully we can attain a quorom for a decision on this matter.Chief Justice Billg is in conference with his staff reviewing OTI Law and he will be contacting me forthwith for s decision on this matter and how to proceed.

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

SNOW MAN wrote:

syosnow94 wrote:Not throwing in the towel just yet CP. but it doesn't look good. I'm looking forward to trout fishing and golf (I'm the hs coach) which starts in mid march

CP for this statement I think we should consider revoking his OTI membership.    I think you and Doc should take it under review, LOL !

Chief Security Officer.

I alerted Doc and he is in conference with Billg as we speak. Charges may be filed later today. His citizenship and Directors position are both in jeopardy. Jail time may be warranted. Prepare your staff to take him into custody later today.

This matter is under active investigation.

billg315 wrote:

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

SNOW MAN wrote:

syosnow94 wrote:Not throwing in the towel just yet CP. but it doesn't look good. I'm looking forward to trout fishing and golf (I'm the hs coach) which starts in mid march

CP for this statement I think we should consider revoking his OTI membership.    I think you and Doc should take it under review, LOL !

Chief Security Officer.

I alerted Doc and he is in conference with Billg as we speak. Charges may be filed later today. His citizenship and Directors position are both in jeopardy. Jail time may be warranted. Prepare your staff to take him into custody later today.

This matter is under active investigation.

How sad this all had to happen on the weekend Aresian is visiting our Island paradise and considering applying for citizenship. I hope he doesn't misconstrue Syos statement as normal citizen banter. There are ten commandments on OTI and the most egregious thing you can do is break the commandment  "Thou shalt not wish for spring or any end to winter ever".

Shame Syos, shame.

The Director of Culinary Arts should begin preparations for a last meal for Syos, just in case the courts are not lenient.

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

billg315 wrote:

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

SNOW MAN wrote:

syosnow94 wrote:Not throwing in the towel just yet CP. but it doesn't look good. I'm looking forward to trout fishing and golf (I'm the hs coach) which starts in mid march

CP for this statement I think we should consider revoking his OTI membership.    I think you and Doc should take it under review, LOL !

Chief Security Officer.

I alerted Doc and he is in conference with Billg as we speak. Charges may be filed later today. His citizenship and Directors position are both in jeopardy. Jail time may be warranted. Prepare your staff to take him into custody later today.

This matter is under active investigation.

How sad this all had to happen on the weekend Aresian is visiting our Island paradise and considering applying for citizenship. I hope he doesn't misconstrue Syos statement as normal citizen banter. There are ten commandments on OTI and the most egregious thing you can do is break the commandment  "Thou shalt not wish for spring or any end to winter ever".

Shame Syos, shame.

The Director of Culinary Arts should begin preparations for a last meal for Syos, just in case the courts are not lenient.

That would be Rainbow Trout caught under summer conditions therefor rendering it flavorless!

The Aresian can rest assured this is not common behavior on this island and it is dealt with seriously (although fairly and justly).

This Court finds probable cause exists to support a charge of "Soliciting Spring" a felony offense on this island.
This Court also finds probable cause exists for a charge of "Official Misconduct" as Syos is an Officer on this island.
The basis and evidence supporting probable cause for these charges is the following quote submitted by Chief Security Officer SNOW MAN:
"syosnow94 wrote:
Not throwing in the towel just yet CP. but it doesn't look good. I'm looking forward to trout fishing and golf (I'm the hs coach) which starts in mid march"
This court will not render a decision on this charge until Syos has been given proper opportunity to respond and present a defense.  I do not know when this was posted or if there is mitigating/exculpatory evidence to be presented. I leave that to Syos and his defense.
This Court does hereby Order that an "Insanity Defense" or "Diminished Capacity" defense is BARRED.  While such a statement could possibly be excused by proof of Snow Derangement Syndrome, this Court cannot see how that applies in this case as Syos, more than almost anyone on this board, has jackpotted with snow this winter.
He is actually having a decent snow winter - particularly compared to the Chief Justice who even with this week's storm is just now only barely surpassing 15" for the winter, and the Emperor who usually has similar snow totals to the Chief Justice due to our common geographical region (but is up to 19" from a couple lucky circumstances of being slight further east and north than I).  There are many people on this board who may be suffering under this winter's conditions -- those on Long Island are not among them.
Therefore Syos must defend this statement on the merits, not with a mental health defense (unless there is an issue OTHER than Snow Derangement Syndrome that may explain this conduct).
The Court awaits Syos's response to these charges.
Respectfully Submitted,
Billg315
Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor

CP,read the amazing brief of Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor Billg in the matter OTI vs Syos.

We await the response of Syos and his defense team in this matter at Parliament, and once again thank Billg for his devoted service in maintaining justice on our Island.

docstox12 wrote:CP,read the amazing brief of Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor Billg in the matter OTI vs Syos.

We await the response of Syos and his defense team in this matter at Parliament, and once again thank Billg for his devoted service in maintaining justice on our Island.

I don't know where this Island would be without him. How did we survive all these years without a Chief Justice and Excellent Inquisitor? He has been invaluable, and funny as hell.

Wow. I've missed a lot. My post was simply a weenie Rant just moments after o read about the impending 12-18" of snow the Red Sox Suck area was forecast to receive and then the disappearance of our large storm threat for Thursday. Yes I've received a good amount of snow. More than most actually. However it melts so rapidly that I can't even enjoy it. This combined with Red Sox Suck and the deteriorating long range forecast has cause me much angst. The drugs I've been experimenting with at the sanitarium haven't helped either. This is my response. I throw myself at the mercy of the court. Do as you see fit

Based on that response, I think this court is inclined to make its findings. First, as to the charge of "Soliciting Spring" this Court finds Syos: Guilty. While one can rant about warm weather, lack of snow, and Red Sox Suck getting a blizzard while we suffer, the court simply cannot excuse the second part of the equation - wishing for an early Spring. Now it is important to note, Syos did not EXPLICITLY wish for "warm weather" or "Spring" but a fair reading of his references to Golf, Fishing, and March leave little doubt as to the implied meaning.
As to the second charge, this Court finds Syos: NOT GUILTY, of Official Misconduct. While wishing for Spring is not condoned, there is no evidence it was in any way tied to his duties on OTI or that his crime touched upon his Office as Director of Mental Health. Had he encouraged people at the Sanitarium to wish for an early Spring - that would be a problem.
Now as for sentencing, this court does take into account mitigation factors. This hasn't been a great winter, Red Sox Suck region is getting two blizzards in a week, and the forecast for next weekend does show three days of 50s. However, as stated above, Syos has fared better than many on this forum, so it is still not a total excuse.
This court leaves sentencing to Parliament and Security's discretion, but recommends: A one-week suspension as Director of OTI Mental Health; Probation for Four Weeks (NO hoping for Spring, Golf or Fishing - other than ice fishing or snow golf -- during that period or a more harsh sentence will follow); and a fine of 50 Mangos and 25 Coconuts, payable through probation to Treasury.