OT: "Off-Topic Island"

Well Doc what if we get an April 1982 redux and get a big snowstorm during that two week period. Even the following year with the Super El Niño NYC had measurable snow well past April 15th, specifically on April 19th. And after February 19th, 2014, CP did not have any measurable snow at his house the rest of the month and all of March, keeping him at 69.9" on the season. Then after a very warm weekend, a sharp cold front gave him 1.5" of snow, a miracle for him. Basically, if that April snowstorm happens, it will appear in the Daily Coconut every day until at least next fall. I'm not sure if Parliament would want that to happen.

Math23x7 wrote:Well Doc what if we get an April 1982 redux and get a big snowstorm during that two week period.  Even the following year with the Super El Niño NYC had measurable snow well past April 15th, specifically on April 19th.  And after February 19th, 2014, CP did not have any measurable snow at his house the rest of the month and all of March, keeping him at 69.9" on the season.  Then after a very warm weekend, a sharp cold front gave him 1.5" of snow, a miracle for him.  Basically, if that April snowstorm happens, it will appear in the Daily Coconut every day until at least next fall.  I'm not sure if Parliament would want that to happen.

Mike, as a most respected Citizen of OTI, I myself treasure your input and opinion.Your analysis could very well play out, but as a player of the "sport of Kings" at the OTI Coconut Downs Track, I would give that scenario you describe above a 50:1 shot to play out after this almost "warmest ever since the beginning of time" winter on the Mainland.As you stroll around OTI, you will notice the various news kiosks set up in strategic places.Our citizens and staff read the Mainland papers and article after article have been printed describing this warm phenomena.As such, the citizenry is clamoring for an early closure of the Island and, daresay, I must go along with the majority opinion in this case.I have gone to the OTI Bureau of Meteorology and find that Mainland temperatures next week, the first week of March, are up in the 40's.

Lastly, it appears that information has been leaked to me via my unsecured e mail that the deposed Zookeeper has put a curse on the Hudson Valley NY, where the Zookeeper's nemesis CP, lives, and this curse has resulted in a horrendously low total for snow in that area so far.Could the Zookeeper have been involved in the Anti-Virga scandal and the Hudson River/ I-84 anti snow force field incidents? Investigations are underway and perhaps a report will be forthcoming before the Island shuts down.Then again, maybe not.......! LOL!

I have to admit to having the no snow doldrums. I am admitting myself to the OTI Sanitarium for a 78 hour observation period. I put the lime in the coconut and added rum.....mixed em all together.....and nothing!

Taffy wrote:I have to admit to having the no snow doldrums. I am admitting myself to the OTI Sanitarium for a 78 hour observation period. I put the lime in the coconut and added rum.....mixed em all together.....and nothing!

Dear Taffy,

I spoke to the OTI Sanitarium Director and he assured me you will have the best room in the house PLUS extra Thorazine and movies with snow including "White Christmas" and "Dr. Zhivago".

We at OTI Sanitarium hope your stay will be a pleasant one and hope you will call again someday!

As ever,

Your Pal

Docstox

Director of Parliament, Board Member OTI Sanitarium

OTI Parliamentary Proclamation 106-B-3075:

Early Closure of OTI

Island and Government Worker Unions were met with at a late night bargaining session and it was decided that the Island would close down April 1, Anno Domani 2016 instead of the usual April 15th.The lack of any measureable snow on the Mainland plus the extended warmth which now looks to carry over through the month of March is the factor the Unions have mentioned as the reason.As Parliamentary Director, I must attempt to keep all interests happy and have ruled in favor of the early closure.Be advised ,any interested parties, that Parliament will not be able to grant any Citizenship Requests or Tourist Visas until re-opening scheduled for October 1 Anno Domani 2016.

The OTI Sanitarium has assured me that the few patients that are still requiring medication for SDS (Snow derangement Syndrome), specifically those North of I 84 on the Mainland due to SESSSP (S and E Snow Storm Shift Phenomena) can request renewal of the medication by having their Health Professional e-mail www.OTISanitarium.Org/Meds.

Let me finally add that as Director of Parliament and one of the Founding Fathers of OTI, it has been a pleasure to serve the visitors, citizens and patients of OTI in this hectic, dare I say unique, winter of 2015-2016 on the Mainland.I will be checking occaisionally and answering any stray inquiries, denying any remuneration for my efforts,for the sake of serving you the Mainland public, during this vacation period.OTI is a seasonal entity and our permanent citizens and workers now look forward to their time of rest.

Looking forward to seeing you all October1, 2016! Have a safe and happy Spring and Summer!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsM_VmN6ytk

Thanks for a job well done, Doc. Again, you went above and beyond in helping the Mainland citizens regain sanity during this god forsaken snow drought of a winter.

If anyone should seek citizenship to OTI, please let me know prior to April first so that the application can be expedited due to OTI's early closing.

I feel for my Hudson Valley, North of I84 friends. I at least had one good storm. There is always next year.

I leave you with this song......just substitute SNOW for wind!

https://youtu.be/bD_4IzbsbOM

Taffy wrote:Thanks for a job well done, Doc. Again, you went above and beyond in helping the Mainland citizens regain sanity during this god forsaken snow drought of a winter.

If anyone should seek citizenship to OTI, please let me know prior to April first so that the application can be expedited due to OTI's early closing.

I feel for my Hudson Valley, North of I84 friends. I at least had one good storm. There is always next year.

I leave you with this song......just substitute SNOW for wind!

https://youtu.be/bD_4IzbsbOM

Beautiful, Taffy! I remember that song when it came out.What a great lady!!!!!

Doc, I was just a toddler running around our "2 decka" in South Boston and remember my Mom playing this song over and over again. It's the first song I could remember all the lyrics to and I was born the year it came out.

Taffy wrote:Doc, I was just a toddler running around our "2 decka" in South Boston and remember my Mom playing this song over and over again. It's the first song I could remember all the lyrics to and I was born the year it came out.

You young whippersnapper!

1956 I started kindergarten,LOL!!!!

Doc, referring to your post from Thursday February 25th, with this arctic blast and possible snowflakes in the area looming for next week, do you still plan on having your April 1st closing date? If so, do you have any final remarks to the tourists? I'd like for those remarks to appear in the Daily Coconut.

Math23x7 wrote:Doc, referring to your post from Thursday February 25th, with this arctic blast and possible snowflakes in the area looming for next week, do you still plan on having your April 1st closing date?  If so, do you have any final remarks to the tourists?  I'd like for those remarks to appear in the Daily Coconut.

Mike, we at the OTI Meteorological Institute are in extended hours sessions concerning this late season possibility of snow.We are using the CAO (coconut arctic oscillation) and the El Bannano models to try and ascertain if we should extend closing date to April 10th.There may be late night sessions with the local union leaders of tourist visa issuers, sand cleaners,hotel workers and sanitarium personnel.As of now, we still plan on the April 1st date but stay tuned for updates should this last snow possibility pans out.

PS: Forgot to mention that all staff at the Daily Coconut have left the building.Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Docstox
Director of Parliament
9:37 AM
March 31st Anno Domani 2016

Friends and Tourists of OTI, myself and the OTI Board of Meteorology have determined that this April snow threat is nothing more than a mere whisper in the realm of Mainland snowstorms and now the Island is officially closed for the season.

We at OTI, who endeavor to make Mainland visitors happy, want to thank all of you for your continued support of our Island activities.Be assured that when October 1st 2016 arrives, OTI will open for business for the next Mainland winter tracking season.

We wish everybody and happy and healthy Spring, Summer and early Fall season.

Cue the crickets.Over and out!!!!

Docstox
Director of Parliament

Well Doc, after OTI closed last week, the northern suburbs of the Mainland had some snow accumulations resulting in hopeful visitors arriving on the Island only to find that the entrance is closed.  And even more visitors tried to come in today, but to no avail.  Only the employees, specifically those in the maintenance crew on OTI, have been able to embrace the snow.  Fortunately, the mainland will warm up toward the end of next week and the crowd by the entrance will disperse, meaning we can finally put the aggravating 2015-16 snow season to rest.

On a side note: the last two years, the warmest temperature reading at CPK occurred AFTER Labor Day (92 on 9/2/14 and 97 on 9/8/15), when many pools/beaches close for the year.  So this is the snow equivalent...

My goodness, a Mainland source has informed me of the appearance of a winter 2016-2017 thread on the Mainland Board.The Mainland schools have yet to open and our esteemed Emperor and Mugsy the Magnificent have begun bantering about the upcoming winter season beginning the model mayhem on this third week of August.As Director of OTI, I must sadly refrain from adding to this winter discussion as the various Unions of the staff that maintain and operate the Islands many infrastructure and maintenance facilities refuse by their contracts, to even set foot on the Island until the scheduled re-opening for the Mainland winter season on oct. 1,2016.However, I myself, enlivened and uplifted by the Mainland Winter banter, have decided to travle to OTI to begin cursory inspections of the areas that will need extra rehabilitation and repair so when Oct 1 does arrive, a speedy and efficient maintenance schedule can be constructed and executed.

OTI PARLIAMENTARY REPORT-8/26/2016

                                             TOPIC-ANNUAL ISLAND INSPSECTION REPORT
                                              CHIEF INSPECTOR-DOCSTOX, DIRECTOR OF PARLIAMENT

Upon arrival on OTI disembarking from a Mainland charter service, I immediately noticed that very little, if any, sand erosion has occured since very little tropical storm action has occured to date.This will translate into significant savings in the Infrastructure Fund and will decrease the need for "Bannanna Ready" Infrastructure needs.Coconut and Bannana trees seem to be in excellent order as well.I examined all sectors of the Island and it appears that the majority of them will need little, if any, maintenance, perfunctory at the most.The Sanitarium will require a bit more work, perhaps the addition of  a new wing as per the preliminary long range forecast of a warm december this season.This could result in an early influx of Mainland Snowaholics and we at OTI Sanitarium try to anticipate future needs.The customs center is in good shape and right now requests for staffing are being sent to the Mainland.We will start with our standard requirement for staffing an then observe how the Fall season is transpiring.Anticipate a smooth transition to the October 1 2016 opening of the Island.


OFFICIALLY SUBMITTED FOR FILING IN THE OTI BUREAU OF RECORDS ,this day August 26 ANNO DOMANI 2016
DOCSTOX, DIRECTOR OF PARLIAMENT AND OTI SANITARIUM

Good to hear the island is in order. You're a good solid citizen that our children would be wise to emulate.

Grselig wrote:Good to hear the island is in order.   You're a good solid citizen that our children would be wise to emulate.  

LOL, you are too kind,Sir, and we look forward to your visit upon opening.Look me up to get first class reservations Friend! We will arrange the Coconut Penthouse at the OTI Hilton.

Class!!!!!!  Always a worthwhile visit.  Looking forward to enjoying a lime with the coconut and some world class home made baileys for the satisfyingly cold fluffy fruit of the Gods in the coming months.  May this year be prosperous!!!!

Doc

Nice job getting everything prepped for the coming season. As Director of the Treasury I have completed my summer audit and am pleased to report a banana and coconut surplus in the treasury. If you see any need for major capital improvements or infrastructure projects I don't see a problem fast tracking anything within reason through Parlament.

I have reviewed Snow Mans proposal to induce the dormant OTI volcanos into a massive Yellowstone type eruption of 600,000 years ago so as to reverse our current warming trend and initiate a nuclear winter scenario as to costly and dangerous to our inhabitants. I'm sure ex King Mugs would agree.

I look forward to seeing your review.

CP
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Doc

Nice job getting everything prepped for the coming season. As Director of the Treasury I have completed my summer audit and am pleased to report a banana and coconut surplus in the treasury. If you see any need for major capital improvements or infrastructure projects I don't see a problem fast tracking anything within reason through Parlament.

I have reviewed Snow Mans proposal to induce the dormant OTI volcanos into a massive Yellowstone type eruption of 600,000 years ago so as to reverse our current warming trend and initiate a nuclear winter scenario as to costly and dangerous to our inhabitants. I'm sure ex King Mugs would agree.

I look forward to seeing your review.

CP
Director of the Treasury
Grand High Exalted Mystique Ruler

Good morning all. Cp I have to tell you this post made me bust out in a deep hearty belly laugh.  Doc I see your getting things in order for the up coming Winter season. Your a good man Charlie Brown. That's why you were appointed to your position.
I have a feeling the OTI is going to be very crowded early this year if our X King Mugsy's predictions of a warm start to our Winter season comes true. I for one will be checking in to the sanitarium post haste if this should happen.
Cp are you sure you want dismiss my proposal about the volcanos ? Will see how you feel if it looks like our Winter starts to look like last years let down. Then I'll bet you'll reconsider my idea.

Before I go, did I ever tell you how much I HATE SUMMER. I'm tired of the of cutting grass. ( I'm the idiot who keeps watering and fertilizing it so it stays green and grows. It must be a guy thing that you have to have a green beautiful lawn.) I'm tired of all yard work in general. I rather shovel a 3 foot snow storm with a beach pail shovel than cut grass.
NOW BRING ON WINTER I CAN'T WAIT !!!!!!

Hello,
Greetings to all as you prep the Island for tourist season. CP, I do humbly request that you reconsider Snow's proposal to induce volcanic activity. At first glance it seems insane. Snow is no lunatic. The consequences of no action are disturbing and irresponsible. Think about it my man. Think about the children. Our lives are, for the most part, lived and over. We've seen Boxing Day and the glory of 1996. But can you truly appreciate the situation. No cold for children. No snow. No blizzards. No snow days off from school. No snowball fights and building of snowmen. Calvin & Hobbes must be in tears (okay, maybe his kids as he had to have grown up by now). My friends, do we truly want Frosty to be a myth while our young ones wander in the desert. Hot and dry with only taunting oasis's of snow! I for one happy to sacrifice for our future.

Snow, I am sick of mowing my lawn. Its worn out. Its parched from all the heat and I'm tired of spending money on water to keep it green. Too much time spent pushing the damn mower when football is about to begin.

You guys are murdering me here, I'm friggin' crying laughing!

As per the volcano suggestion tabled by CP, Parliament is authorizing funds for an exploration committee to gather pertinent data relevant to the persual of this proposal.That would include lowering myself on a pair of ropes with a wooden slat seat down 1/2 mile into the "dormant" volcano to see if this would be feasible.We at OTI Institute of Science and Global Climatology leave no stone unturned in the persuit of a "happy winter" for our mainland vistiors.

CP's able leadership in the OTI Treasury has led to this amazing surplus as our currency at OTI is bannana/coconut backed, and the amazing crops this year as a result of minimal tropical disturbance activity has made this surplus possible.Infrastructure needs will probably be on the low side as a result of minor wear and tear and minimal storm damage, if any, and my representative will be contacting you, CP, for the necessary funds required for Infrastructure needs.

As per SNOWMAN and Grselig's lamentations on lawn maintenance cares, why not follow the philosophy we have at OTI.We accept anything that is green, be it weeds, crabgrass... whatever.When mowed, it all looks wonderful.If it turns brown from lack of water...REJOICE!!! You don't have to exert yourselves mowing and save gas PLUS you can relax with an alcoholic beverage watching the ballgame.

All is well on OTI, looking forward to a smooth opening day on Oct 1!

At the risk of being cited for dereliction of duty, I sheepishly, but proudly, announce that as of October 1 2016, OTI is officially opened for business in providing a refuge for stressed out Mainlanders suffering from MDS (Model Derangement Syndrome) in tracking snowstorms for the upcoming winter of 2016-2017.I must ask your indulgence and forgiveness in the matter because I partook of one too many Bannana Daiquiris in the many small celebrations Island Staff and Sanitarium workers held on October 1 celebrating opening day.OTI Customs are now fully up and running and the Bureau of Hotel management assures me the many lodging facilities for Mainlanders are fully staffed and up and running.The OTI Meteorological Institute has offered a lecture "Early Model Discussion on the Upcoming Winter" by Dr. Isodor Isobar in the main lecture hall for OTI Staff and any early Mainland visitors exhibiting anxiety over the model mayhem with the possible threat of Matthew to the EC.We at OTI hope that the Mainlanders visiting will be satisfied with the quality of service and attention as we strive for quality and excellence.

Docstox Director of Parliament

OTI TO CP! OTI TO CP! DO YOU READ ME CP, OVER!

13 days since your last known appearance on the mainland and nearly two months since your last known appearance on the island! I would have thought with the snow in the northern suburbs of NYC and the teleconnections favoring a -NAO, -AO, +PNA and the lack of the Super El Nino (aka "Hell Nino") that you would make your presence known. Why is this not being discussed in the Daily Coconut? Heck, how come Parliament is not even talking about it? Has CP abandoned us? Or is he so nervous that he would jinx the upcoming "cold" months to where we have a December 2015 redux? Time will tell...

Ah, Math, I do believe its been the rather sluggish beginning to the Fall season and the fact that island preparations are still being done since Opening Day of October 1st, that our beloved Director of the Treasury, is attending to his duties in some remote sector of the Island.Rest assured that when temperatures in CP's sector of the Mainland reach well into the 20's and a siginificant threat of snow there occurs, he will post not only here but in the regular mainland posts.Why, just yesyerday we heard from SNOW on a mainland post!! October is generally a sluggish month on our instinctivly sleepy Island.When Emperor Frank himself speaks from the Forum on the Mainland posting area his amazingly scientific and informative Winter Prediction for the Empire,the Island will ramp up activity and a special EXTRA Edition of the Daily Coconut will hit the sandy shores and recreational areas.With one last nod to CP, I am happy to report the OTI Sanitarium is fully staffed and ready.

Attention OTI citizens. Rumors abound that CP has been "awol" not because of the dry warm late summer and autumn. No not at all. In fact he has been rumored to be on a Russian built rocket co-built with the United States (gotta love that Putin/Trump alliance )on a covert mission to weaken and displace the Stratospheric or tropospheric something or other polar vortex in the hopes of returning snow and cold to the areas N and W of NYC. He was last heard mumbling something about South and East as he was loaded onto the rocket by our very own Docstox in what was apparently a straight jacket.